Enigma of the Heart

there are a lot of happenings this past week. first, my daughter's been schooling. as a hands-on mom i wake up in the morning to prepare their breakfast and baon, send them to school and fetch them after classes. as i've told in my previous posts, i'm getting really tired but this weekend is just a blessing. of course, no classes!

last friday my sister brought home a bad news. she was terminated from sitel because of poor performance and tardiness. my sister was saddened about the announcement. that was the first job she liked in her whole working life, and the only job she enjoyed doing. that was the only job she felt she was happy doing that she never dragged her feet going to work. too bad it wasn't meant for her. she felt she was sabotaged by indifferent superiors so she was terminated. but my sister's resilient. she bounced back after that incident. she realized that God is teaching her something and that there is certainly a purpose why God didn't want her to continue working there. the reason why, i don't know, but God will reveal it in time.

last wednesday or thursday ( i can't really remember the exact day) i received a letter from PLDT and Telus. the pldt letter is for me, about my default payment arrangement. truth is i forgot about it, and wasn't able to pay for it. so they sent me a letter. but now it's settled. :) from Telus is for my sister, stating that she has to report back for work after an AWOL (my sister always does that *wink*).  it as a month already since she AWOLled from job but it was a coincidence that they sent a letter because she was about to be terminated from work. unfortunately though, the letter was so super delayed that they have closed her profile in the company and can't go back to work- unless she re-apply. wala rin, ganun din. hehehe.

another bad news surprised us: my cousin who is pregnant and married is now abandoned by her husband leaving her for another woman. that cousin of ours is our closest cousin- she was like a sister to me. i was shocked when she sent me a message in my friendster about it. my sister called her up immediately to find out if it's true, and indeed it is. i feel so bad for her. i think men like his husband should be put to jail. at least be put to jail rather than be killed. let's just say whatever is the worse- i just won't say it.

she has to sue him for infidelity- only if she have in hand an evidence to prove it. but i think she has to pursue suing him. if i were her i'd not want to have anything to do with him and her family. i'll take responsibility of raising the child without the father. i'd rather think of him as dead or not existing at all. even if his family would ask to see our son i'd fight for my right as a mother neglected by their son who doesn't care at all. i hate guys like that.

and also last friday, my daughter wasn't able to go to school because her school service didn't fetch her up. i'd definitely tell the principal about this matter. they should know that it will be hard for my daughter to travel! the reason why we sent her there to study is because of the tuition fee! and a service from school is equivalent to money because i will be paying for it! i just want convenience for my daughter. they should've told me if they are not going to fetch her so we'll be looking for someone else! grrrr...

while i was looking for my daughters' birth certificates, i found my CAP certificate of scholarship. it was a scholarship certificate transferred to me by my husband since he's busy working. he has given me that so i can continue my studies. unfortunately it didn't push through, so the certificate was like useless over the years. now that i found it i'd like to pursue my college education again. how i wish it's God's plan.

i think i've already mentioned in my previous post that we already found a helper at home. better so that she could do the things i don't want to do- cleaning the house, washing the dishes and all the other chores. hehehe. but she's leaving for work as early as now (she just came in last week and now she's asking for a vacation). valid reason: she has to take her baby girl back to the province. the baby is hindering her from working. several times she can't finish her job on time because the baby is crying and is looking for her. there are times that she can't clean our room because she has to leave early. she even forgot to iron my daughter's uniform! grrr... very emotional week.

but above it all, i'm thankful for God's grace, we're still alive. God is so good! Thank you, Lord!

be updating again if i'm not busy. so long, maties!

i anticipate a busy, tiring day tomorrow. tomorrow i will enroll my youngest daughter in school, then in the afternoon accompany my eldest daughter to her school. i've been very busy these past few days and i was a little stressed out. the things that perk me up inspite of my exhaustion are the blessings of God, when my kids smile, kiss and hug me, going to the mall and laying on the bed. but overall, i need some rest- and a good massage :)

i ran out of words to say- perhaps of fatigue. i'll just sleep and everything's ok again!

before i end up, i recall a verse from the Bible:

Isaiah 40:29-31 (New International Version)

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

i have hope in the Almighty God and tomorrow i will regain my strength, ha! :)
 
Praise to God forever and ever!

at last, after a year of bumming, my daughter is now back in school. it has been because of our financial difficulties that hindered her to continue schooling. God has given us a surprise blessing this month, and that was an answered prayer! supporting a special child is difficult- the tuition fee and the therapies are expensive. it's no problem when you're well- off. but with God all things are possible! now we were able to send her to school.

i enrolled her this afternoon at MARIAM CLAIRE INTEGRATED SCHOOL. it was really exciting for her and for me. but it was hard for shareign to be separated from me even for a while especially when she's with a stranger. the teacher told me that as soon as she gets distracted, i'll leave her inside the classroom. 2 mins later i left her inside and waited in the school lobby.

i whiled my time away by reading the Bible from my ipod and listening to my playlist. the first song it played was WITH YOU by mark willard from the movie facing the giants. as i listened to it my eyes were brimming with tears.... i was so deeply touched by the song.

Mark Willard

With You

Verse 1:

You have been so good to me
How can I find the words to thank You?
Healer of broken hearts and broken dreams
Lord, I will never cease to praise You.

Chorus:

With You, all things are possible.
Like an eagle I can soar.
With You the giants fall
They rise no more.
With You I overcome when fear and faith collide.
There’s nothing I can’t do
Anything is possible with You.

Verse 2:

I am constantly amazed
You are a God forever faithful.
As I look back on my history of grace,
how could I be anything but grateful?

Verse 3:

No mountain is too high, there’s no valley that’s too deep
You’re calling me to walk by faith so I will take a
Leap...take a
Leap

Anything, anything is possible with You
With You
It’s possible with You.

the song is true to what i experience with God. there isn't anything that's impossible with God- even my daughter's situation. i've been praying for her since i am pregnant with her and until now. and with her condition she needs more prayers than before.

after the assessment, her teacher spoke to me about shareign's condition. she told me that she did well. she behaved while in class, attentive and focused. it was a surprise to know that she behaved because i know that she tends to be easily bored with the things she do and can't keep her focus. the teacher told me that if her development progresses, she will then be transferred to regular school specifically, nursery class. it was an answered prayer! i can't keep this to myself, i wanted to share to everyone how God has been so faithful and generous and merciful to me and my family. God has granted the desires of my heart, answered my every prayer and more. indeed, God is so good!

when we talked about the school fees, i was more amazed. while we were travelling to school i prayed that her tuition fee will not be more than 6000 pesos. God has answered my prayer. her monthly tuition fee is only 3500 pesos! God is so good!

i can't stop thanking God everytime i think of his blessings in my life. as a matter of fact i try not to do bad in the sight of God because it will hinder the continuous flow of blessings in my life. i guess it's just one of the ways how God nudges me to continue my steady walk with Him, and not give in to what the world has to offer.

God is just so amazing.

i'm just starting to like blogging when i didn't have a choice but to be in hiatus for a while. now that i'm back, (not for long) i am brimming with stories to tell.

if i'm not mistaken, i guess it has been 3 weeks to 1 month since my mom got sick. i had to perform her duties as she relieved from her job (job..hehe!) i had to do the dishes, the cooking, everything but the laundry. most importantly, i had to manage the shop.  i do not complain or anything. i love the fact that i'm always busy, it keeps my adrenaline pumping. it's just tiring though. while i took her place i missed the things i was doing- sleeping foremost, then surfing the net and playing games. including blogging and plurk. it's a good thing i was whiled away from the computer- at least i don't plurk anymore. as if my world revolved around it that as i woke in the morning and before sleeping at night, going to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth i have to plurk. i am free! wahehehe!

my mom's doing fine now, better than the past few weeks. she can do some chores now without complaining of dizziness. at least i have help in doing tasks at home. she's currently taking medications and thank God she's getting better everyday.

i'm not sure if i mentioned here that we're experiencing financial difficulty. i do not want to elaborate, that thing i want to keep private. but ever since we started to face this problem, we see God's hand all throughout every hopeless situation we face. my husband is the most affected by this bad situation. he is in Dubai and there, the cost of living is high as in above sea level. i asked him how his salary provides his needs. he was amazed of how God is working in his life. the remainder from his salary is not more than a hundred dirhams but it can get him through one month! some things we thought are impossible are really possible for God. i don't how God does that... it makes wonders!

he owes the bank four hundred and fifty dirhams. he actually didn't know how to produce that money or where in the world he would get it. it's in hopeless situations where God displays his awesome power. he was so desperate to pay the bank so he asked for my help. i sent him 5000 pesos but that wasn't enough to pay the bank. he added the last money he has left, his allowance for this whole month. still wasn't enough. he has to look for 20 dirhams more. in that moment he prayed, took a step of faith and went to the atm machine to withdraw money. he remembered he only has 7 dhs left in his account. but without checking his balance he just pressed withdraw-100. he was amazed at the power of God.  the atm screen read, "thank you. you may now take your cash and your card." cash? he still had a hundred dhs left in his account and it was so much more enough to pay the bank and his allowance for the whole month! he was blown away he wanted to cry. tears welled up in his eyes, his body shaking from joy and awe. we know God is a God of wonders, of impossibilities, of might and power but you'll never know how it's like till you experience it!

we have abandoned the land we own somewhere in Pasig. we didn't have any plan for it at all. the only plan we have is to sell it.

it's been more than 10 years since we've acquired that land. it was my mom and dad's investment. unfortunately we cannot afford to pay the monthly dues and even attempt to build even just a small house on it. so what we wanted was to just sell it. we've been preoccupied with many many things that we didn't remember about it at all. since there are no direct buyers, we just left the negotiations in the hands of the members of the association. it was one answered prayer too. a prayer that we never thought would be answered so soon. i mean we've been praying for it for a long time but since we haven't realized about it we thought well, perhaps God will answer it some time. we're in the brink of the financial struggle when we received this blessing- a prospect buyer asks how much we are selling the property! and know what, after a week we already received the payment and processed the documents. it was like, wow, God you're so amazing!

we were able to pay everyone we owe, and the bills, and everything else we need to pay. God's blessings are so timely. just as we were about to give up, just as we were about to lose hope, God's there. He hears the cry of a hopeless, desperate soul who just gives his heart and soul to trust the almighty God. he never fails his people who trusts him. when someone loses someone to hold, God's hand is there, His grip tight to never let you fall. God, all praises to You! Thank You Lord!

Reminds me of a song from Brenton Brown:

Psalm 7:17 (niv)


I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.

Psalm 66:20(NIV)


Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

Psalm 105:2(NIV)


Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.

To God be the glory forever and ever from everlasting to everlasting!

God has been teaching me a lot of things lately and made me realize their importance. we're going through difficult times now but i believe God is moving. He's going to show His might and power over these struggles we're going through. i realized how sin damages the life of an individual, and how it causes trials in life. the very reason I can't blame God for our afflictions. it's unfair for a God who has our best interests at heart to be questioned and shouted at just because we're facing adversities... when in fact we're to blame. all God wanted was our happiness. He lets us choose which path we want to take. when we stumble because of wrong decisions, He's still there to lift us up and mend our pieces together.

i believe everything happens for a reason. He has planned something for us and it's His will that's happening in our lives. when we choose our paths or our decisions, His will is to allow us to take that certain path or make that certain decision. if we fail, He has a reason: to teach us to listen to Him, acknowledge His presence in our life and seek His help and to learn from the actions we made. He wanted me to depend on Him in everything. the truth is He never gets tired of listening to me...

i have faith that God is going to bless us abundantly- in every aspect of life- just as long as I trust in Him and seek Him first before everything.

when something happens in my life, it's not just about me. it's about God. it's about His marvelous plan for my life.

it's a coincidence that i found this poem i've written so many years ago. it's Holy Week, and this poem i'd like to share is about Jesus. i've been a Christian for 15 years already, and i admit i still sin. but God's grace is more than the sin i commit. that doesn't mean you can continue sinning, for we have to remember that God is holy and as His children we have to be holy. God has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in our ways and to nudge us everytime we meet temptations on the way or sin as if we aren't aware. this is how i describe God's love that i pray you will experience as well. my prayer is for your life to be touched by the Hands of the Mighty God and to encounter Him in your life.