Enigma of the Heart

this morning at church they played this song "I Love to Love You". i wasn't familiar with the song but i got the melody quite quickly that i was able to sing along with the worship team. here it goes,

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name...

was the absolute cry of my heart. i chose to praise God though we're in the midst of crisis. just last week, the business was closed because of the ISP network restoration. since then we have no other form of income. then typhoon ondoy struck. we had to accomodate our relatives who were greatly affected by the flood. our cousin with jaundice was diagnosed with viral infection and the doctor's early diagnosis was he probably has cancer. their house is still flooded as of this time. my husband is having difficulty supporting our needs because he has to pay for his bank loans. we cannot afford to send my daughter with autism to therapy because we don't have money to pay for it. this month's bills are still unpaid. i don't know how am i going to pay for them.

honestly, my heart doesn't lose hope. my faith still clings in me that i can't afford to feel hopeless. i have a powerful God who can turn these adversities into blessings. i know that God has His reasons, His purpose why He allowed us to experience suffering. i am not a hypocrite to say that i never felt fear. i tremble too. but God's love and grace overpowers that fear and it swallows it whole. we may be in the midst of suffering but my God is the God who provides. God has a plan for us. perhaps God wanted us to empty our jars so that when we are all dried up God will heavily pour His blessings that we will be filled to the brim, not having enough jars to contain it. after these sufferings i believe that God will surely bless us that we can't contain it, so much that we have to give away.

i cannot be angry with God. God is too good to be unkind. He may have allowed us to suffer but He will never forsake us. His hand will always be guiding, protecting and blessing. His heart overflowing with love, grace and mercy.

God, we may be experiencing trials now but i believe that we are more than conquerors because we have Jesus. You will never leave us nor forsake us. You have plans for us- it is to prosper us, give us hope and a future. we will hold on to You, God. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME

88 days before Christmas.

many thanks to tangle, my source of inspirational videos.

heavy rains struck the metro and its neighboring towns, 26th of September 2009, Saturday. our electricity was cut-off around 3:25 in the afternoon, and was brought back after 3 days. for 3 days we were clueless of the disaster that Typhoon Ondoy generated. we only heard rumors of the flood that reached 5-6 feet deep, and stranded people in the streets and inside their homes or on the roofs of their houses waiting to be rescued. it was tragic, and it was the first time i have ever experienced that kind of calamity.

we were still fortunate though, that we live on a higher area of Cainta, where we rarely experience flooding. but for those living in the low lands, they have been greatly affected by the floods. 27 September at 4:00 am, the electricity in a village behind our house was restored. of course we envy them every time we look out of our window and see our neighbor have electricity.

inspite of that we're still very thankful to God that somehow we still have money to buy food. and that time i was expecting remittance from my husband in Dubai. we went out, 4:30 in the afternoon and saw muddy roads and bushes that fell from trees. just then have i realized the aftermath of the calamity. we went to a market 3 blocks away from the village, and saw that a fast food is closed. i brought along our drained cellphones to be charged in a convenience store in that area and saw that it was broken. there was a shortage of candles. there were limited crops in the market and so i realized how terrible the situation was.

28th of September we went out to withdraw money from a mall. hordes of people were shopping that time and bought a lot of supplies that stocks ran out. candles, canned goods, bread even poultry and meat products. people were panic buying for the fear of running out basic supplies. but if there is no electricity, where in the world are you going to keep fresh produce so it won't spoil? good news is that the floods subsided, and the roads passable even by small vehicles.

only today, 29 September, at 11:30 am was the electricity restored in the village and everything went back to normal. i browsed the internet to see news of the typhoon and was grief-stricken to what my fellowmen suffered. what they have gone through was worse than ours. their appliances, electronic gadgets were broken; their clothes dirty; their houses muddy inside out. at least we were just cut off-of electricity and internet and telephone. i thank God for protecting us and for sparing us from the calamity. i just wouldn't know what i would do if i were in their situation, considering my special daughter and my old mother. and i don't know how to swim! i don't know what i would do...

my aunt asked for help because flood reached inside their house. they said that it would take 2 months before the flood would completely subside- not just in their area but to those who are greatly affected by the flood as well. so my cousin and her 4 month old baby girl would be here with us until everything is ok.

i've seen people showing their concern for our situation that they are offering monetary support. we're not really asking that from them but if their hearts tell them to help us then it would be greatly appreciated. actually, the mere act of concern is enough to touch my heart to let me know that i am not alone.

i know this is just but one part of life one has to go through. and when one has overcame the trials he will be so much blessed. as long as you pray and believe that you already have what you've prayed for then consider it done. in this kind of situation it only takes faith and prayer, and a hopeful heart.

thank You God for Your grace. thank You for Your love that endures forever. thank You God, thank You Jesus for everything. I love You, Lord. thank You so much.

89 days before Christmas!

as usual nothing much has happened, my days are always monotonous and customary. i'm convicted to get up and get going to exercise what i have learned and, to help my mom in the shop. my mom's not getting any younger so i have to be responsible with supervising the shop- or at least help her. i am always upstairs, handling the server and doing facebook all day. today, i got tired of playing and i shifted to writing plans and goals and wishes. thankfully though, my account is under maintenance so i haven't played too much- just collected the "earnings" from my "properties" and after that, signed out. somehow it helped my addiction to falter. now, i've got the chance to check and organize my mails. i've neglected them since i've become hooked to facebook. i check them only once a week, or when i think that my mail's been piling up. i've disregarded a lot of things since i've had my eye on fb, and realized that i should moderate my playing. i guess i'll just have to log in only if i have to collect my earnings, and play a little bit and that's it. i have even missed exercising. argh. i really have to do something about this.

i've started doing a script for my own movie or tv series but i never meant to submit it or what. it's my simple way of expressing the thoughts in my mind. my literary fantasies and stories that i wished would happen to me in reality but can't. the problem is aside from being a facebook fanatic, my mind is always in a whirlwind and can't focus on a single story. if i have a lot of hands then i might have done different stories and just compile them to make it one. it is a sign of a balanced brain- according to my results. sometimes both sides of my brain have their different opinion depending on their point of view which makes it difficult for me to decide. it's like i wanted to have both. actually, if i have to decide which i want better, and i'm having trouble making up my mind, i'd choose both. if i can't have both then i would rather have none at all. but if i really, really have to make a judgment, then i would go with what my heart tells me- or is it my mind? or perhaps what appeals to me at the moment. i really wanted to finish that script. i wanted to accomplish something worthwhile being an educated bummer :)

i'm trying out this virtual makeover studio from DailyMakeover.com to experiment with  hairstyles and makeup that suits me before applying it on myself. i feel the need for a total makeover. i wanted to see myself with a new hairstyle and with makeup on to boost my confidence and self- esteem. ever since i was a kid i've never seen myself beautiful. my mom told me that i am not pretty unlike my sister. even my relatives would say that my sister is more beautiful than i do. i grew up being a wallflower, never noticed at all. very rare are the instances that someone would say that i am beautiful. and i would definitely appreciate that compliment. growing up, i have learned to accept that fact that i am not as beautiful as other people, but still i am thankful because God gave me a complete body. since i have learned to accept that, it doesn't matter anymore if i am ignored at or people would say, she's not pretty. i don't care. i love myself, i love my God- given beauty (in my own right) though they won't appreciate it. but acceptance doesn't mean embracing mediocrity. of course not. i still try to look good by dressing up or putting makeup on. even if i don't have the personality, i know that i exude that aura of confidence and poise because i have learned to love myself. i live up to my philosophy that if i feel good, i will look good. and it definitely shows. well, not really, but somehow.

i hope that these awakening will not remain a realization. i wish that they serve as a motivation to fuel change in my actions, consummate my being, and be better for the glory of my Maker.

94 days before Christmas! it's just around the corner... can't wait!

God bless us!

i can't really hide my excitement knowing that it's 97 days left till Christmas! even this early i am planning for things to do, and where to go and what gifts to buy. when the thought of Christmas hits me, my smile is all the way up to my ears. hahaha.
i heard a Christmas tune on TV and got all the more excited. i am planning for us to go Star City, but not on the holidays- probably earlier- to avoid crowd frenzy. i am praying for a PS3- with a dance dance revolution with it, and a Magic Sing. and hopefully, a new cellphone too! i am not expecting to have these, but in my heart, well, i am hopeful :)
i got pissed off while doing facebook this afternoon. i can't get to play my new games! grrr... i guess there are still some kinks that fb is still trying to  fix. oh well.
praise God i was successful with fixing the computer! at least i won't have to buy a new computer. at least not now.
my mom has been addicted to youtube. she's been tuning in to it all night. :)
i don't know what else to share...
just a...
MERRY CHRISTMAS! yehey pasko na!!!! woohooo!!!!

97 days before Christmas!!!