Enigma of the Heart

too bad i wasn't able to attend church this morning. but next sunday i will be attending church here. back to where i belong. back to what i love doing the most and back to the friends i enjoy the company of. i love serving God in this church, though it has led me to go in and out, falter and be revived again. perhaps i've been influenced by the people around me and the circumstances, but this time i will keep my focus on God alone. Lord help me, that whatever happens i will just look to You.

my friends are so excited to learn that i'll be back, and we're planning activities for the young people. i must spend more time for studying than facebook. so it means, lie-low for facebook and on fire for the ministry!

now, i will take advantage of my last few days of active playing. when i have committed myself for the ministry, i will give up facebook. i'll be playing ONLY when i have the time. especially that it's Christmas season, i know that i'll be very very busy.

that's ok. at least i'm not idle. strange things happen when i am idle. yup.

God bless us all!

omg. it's like 2 weeks of hiatus for me, and i missed blogging! before i used to blog every single day and give account of what's happening to me. but life is just the same everyday, with a dash of spice to make it an adventure. writing the same old things everyday is boring so i just skip blogging. but I thank God for my simple everydays... given another chance to live is a reason to celebrate God's goodness and faithfulness- and to change, and improve.

3 days ago, my preschool classmate and high school mate asked me if i will join our high school reunion on december. i really don't know if i will come- i mean it's good to see old friends and classmates and high school crushes... but i don't think i am bold enough to face them. the fact that i am not a college graduate unlike them. but at least i have a business, right? i do not envy them that they're like in an executive position in their respective careers because they've been working for 6 years already. or like i haven't achieved anything that i would consider a fulfillment. on the other side, i am fulfilled having a family, and a business too. perhaps i haven't trashed my inferiority complex just yet. it's still here, just like the way i felt when i was in high school. but i won't let this feeling linger inside of me. i won't let this consume me and make me feel embarrassed or ashamed. i know that in some ways, i am a lot better than they are- in my own right i mean. :)

Christmas is really coming so fast, and the sooner it comes the more i miss my husband. there are a lot of times when i see myself cry over a Christmas commercial, showing couples hugging and kissing and there's Christmas song in the background. it's not that i don't want Christmas to arrive, it's my most favorite time of the year, it's just that i'm missing a piece that i would really wanted to have this holiday season. if it were not for money problems, he would have filed his vacation leave this Christmas and he might have been coming home soon. God give me the strength. i know i will cry a lot.

i have been busy with facebook, playing different applications every 5 minutes. since my sister is at work, i have my time for facebook and play all those games i have bookmarked.

i just started my diet today. from 110 lbs last week i have lost 6 lbs and now i weighed 104. i was just starting to accept that my weight was like when i was pregnant but i couldn't take the fact that from size small or XS i am now a medium!!!! grrr!!!! and so i  have decided to do a strict diet from now on. my goal is to lose 5-10lbs more in 1-2 wks. so that would be 94-95lbs in 2 weeks. and maintain from thereon. for me, it's better to be skinny than to be fat. of course i will eat! only in moderation.

this past week there were always tension between edward and i especially when the issue is about MONEY. because of that, i've been contemplating on a lot of things everyday and i'm doing it simultaneously with facebook hahaha. kidding aside, i've been thinking of a lot of things lately but i cannot share it now. i feel like i am not ready to divulge it yet. i just want to keep it to myself for now. or perhaps i am not in the writing mood because i am feeling weak ( diet, you know) and sleepy at the same time. when i got time, i will write about it tomorrow.

God bless us all!

i'm not in a writing hype today. why? because i'm busy remodelling my farm! not the real one, that is. my farm town farm needs a little retouch that i have to spend my time with it. by the way, about the post last night, to set the record straight i have deactivated that fb account. i don't want it anymore, like c'mon, its meaningless to hide. if i don't want to have anything to do with them then don't add them right? yup, right on.

wanna have a sneak peek of what i'm busy with now? ok. it's still a big mess though.