Enigma of the Heart

this afternoon me and my mini-me went to Shareign's school to attend the parents-teachers meeting. it's not really a conference, but a one-on-one talk with the teachers. they evaluate your child's performance and behavior in class and communicate it with the parents. that way the parents will have an idea of how their child is doing at school. i'm so thankful to God that little by little, i am seeing an improvement with her and that she is learning a lot from school. she has improved grades as well and i'm very proud of her.

the meeting also included information regarding their upcoming Christmas party on Dec. 16. we were told to prepare a special number and i thought of dancing to nobody by the wondergirls. i don't really know how in the world will i be teaching Shareign the steps to the song, but i just hope that she will get it anyways. we'll just have to practice everyday! i can't imagine myself dancing infront of other parents and teachers. but now, i am starting to visualize it and realize that it's embarrassing!!! hahahaha! :D but definitely i will give my best dance moves. i want them to know that i've got a knack for it *wink* and besides, it's a family affair. everyone at school will be experiencing the embarrassment... (what a self-encouragement!) they will be having an exchange gift too, and food potluck. we're talked into bringing fried chicken. *yum* it's ok coz we'll just buy a bucket of chicken from KFC. i'll be posting pictures and video of our dance number.

so i choreographed steps for our dance number. i made the steps easy so that the kids will easily follow and memorize. 30 minutes of teaching them made me tired! we will definitely do that again tomorrow.

this morning, i wondered if i could fit in to my old jeans i used to wear when i was still in college. i rarely used that jeans because it's really small- a size 25 and because i gained fat in my belly and gluts. since my diet is proven effective (by me, of course) i tried wearing the jeans and was surprised.... yes!!! at last, i was able to wear it again!!! hopefully i'll be able to wear it tomorrow... i noticed that i was a lot slimmer than before and decided to maintain this diet, and this body. i will resist the temptation of eating too much, and practice moderation and discipline. for 3 weeks i haven't eaten rice- i eat smaller portions of rice or bread, then compensate it with last minute exercise or a dance routine. i still wish i'll be a little more slimmer though. i'd like to return to my college weight- 90-95lbs. that would be my aim next year- and a good new year's resolution too!

i am tired and sleepy. i had a very busy day. i even forgot to mention earlier that we went to the mall after the meeting, and we ate and did window shopping. i have to canvass prices for the gifts and dresses and all of those things. i will be very busy this Christmas season. good thing our helper is back.

God bless us all :)

isn't this a miracle? i'm not playing facebook today, hahaha :) i decided to edit my layout again and add a picture that will serve as a background and voila! my happylicious layout is done-deal! it's not as nice as others but i have put a lot of time and effort doing it. also, i'm a newbie in the world of html and css... not bad for a freshman eh?

i've also been playing around with my photoshop and realized that it has a lot of cool features for image editing. that's where i did my background :)

i thought of making a list of groceries for the Christmas dinner. i should be doing that now and plan the dishes i'll be brewing for the Noche Buena :D i am getting excited... as usual, we'll be having potato croquettes, carbonara and/or pancit, ham, cake, fruit salad or macaroni salad. of course, i won't forget posting pics here! and also, we're planning to go to Star City. dear Lord, i pray that this event will push through... please?? thank You! and i would be making a list of presents, and to whom i will give them. there's for the kids, and for mama, for bebs, for my inaanaks, and melissa, and the teachers of the kids. now i began to realize how much this will all worth!

i will check on my facebook now and read showbiz articles and post those are worth sharing.

Merry Christmas!

cool breeze, short days and long nights, Christmas trees adorned with bright lights and colorful decorations sold in the department store speaks Christmas. omg, it feels and smells Christmas coming!!!

i don't know how many times i've mentioned that this is my most favorite time of the year, and indeed it is. in preparation for a totally cool Christmas, i've bought a Pashmina scarf and i'm loving it! this is gonna be my travel buddy this season.

something happened which made us consider moving out- a rift between my mom and our landlord. i'm not sure whether this is God's will or not, but what's definite is that if everything falls into place then that must be His will. after all, if it's not His time then this isn't gonna happen. we may have the desire but if it isn't His will, that desire will remain as that and won't be fulfilled yet. we're awaiting for that wonderful time when He's gonna reveal His will, and when He has provided everything for the big move.

moving isn't easy. we have a lot of considerations which may affect our decision whether or not to move. first, there's our business. when we move, my investment will be gone (for awhile i hope, and I'm praying that God will give me another investment- a bigger one :) ). secondly, our desire to pursue our college education. if we prioritize the move, then there might be a possibility that my schooling will be postponed for next year. i am fully aware of the family's expenses, including debt payments, and i don't want to contribute to our debt pile up. instead, i wanted to help alleviate the burden of expenses. third is my daughters' education. i don't want an instantaneous decision, i want everything all planned, and all going on as planned. i want the move only on summer. aside from a good weather, it's the children's vacation. so we have a lot of time packing, and being busy with everything without interfering with the kids' education. we have to really pray a lot for it. we want God to move and for His will to be done.

i wanted to plan what dishes to prepare this Christmas. i'd like to have a theme for this season- i will think about it. or perhaps not. the family is conventional and not used to any changes hehe. definitely there'll be fruit salad, and potato croquettes. other than that, i have to think of and search in the web :)

this november 30 will premiere my much awaited tv series- the Filipino adaptation of Full House! it is topbilled by Richard Gutierrez playing the role of Justin and Heart Evangelista who will play the role of Jessie. the Korean version of full house is adored by millions around the world, and the good thing is that GMA Network bought the rights of this series not just to be shown here but for the making of the Filipino adaptation as well. I am so excited for this!



49 days to go before Christmas! yay! :)

this morning at church they played this song "I Love to Love You". i wasn't familiar with the song but i got the melody quite quickly that i was able to sing along with the worship team. here it goes,

i've always dreamed of winning the lottery. who wouldn't wanna win? i don't really envy people who win lotsa money from the lottery but it would always hit me, like, there must have been a lot of good luck and good fortune that their ticket won. we don't patronize lottery or any forms of gambling. we depend on God for blessings and provisions and not from that- even if you have the purest of intentions. the end does not justify the means. and know what? i never really tried betting and/or joining the lottery.

but what if, just what if, i won a hundred million pesos? wow. i will be surprised and shocked and sweaty and shaking and nervous and happy- all at the same time. what would i do with it? i should start making a list of what-to-do's in case that would happen :)

1. i'd buy a house and lot. i've seen this cool house in Antipolo from a website and it costs P4.8M. not bad if you've got a lot of money.
2. i'd buy a car. no, an SUV perhaps, good for family trips. brand? i don't know, i'm not really a car lover. it has to be safe, and spacious. not really big. just enough for 7.
3. i'd donate to charities and give my offering to the church. 10% of how much i've got. i don't care if it's P10M. after all, if God didn't let me win, i wouldn't experience that P100M.
4. i'd franchise a fastfood, specifically, Jollibee. very lucrative. after 6-12 months, you will see your ROI. and after another 6 months, doubled ROI. cool.
5. i'd treat the family to Hongkong Disneyland and we will travel to places we dreamed of going- Palawan, Boracay, and anywhere!
6. i'd continue my college education, as well as my sister's. of course, i will enroll my children in the best school.
7. i'd expand our internet shop business. this is our very first investment so i don't want to give this up.
8. if it's the will of God, i will ask my Edward to resign from his work abroad and just stay here with us, help me manage our businesses.
9. i'd build a resort, salon/spa and.... what else are my dream businesses? i forgot. i'd remember them eventually...
10. SAVE SOME!!!
11. i'd share my blessings to my close friends and relatives. i'm not close-fisted as long as i have something to share :)

wow. how i wish for this to come true... as God said in His word, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE :)

later, we will be celebrating my daughter's bday. if there will be no change in plans then it will be later, in the afternoon.yehey!!!

oops, i did it again. i thought i was over that and assumed i'll never do it again. i was very determined to pull out those thoughts and feelings from my heart and mind but they kept haunting me. oh just when am i going to learn? c'mon, stop making the habit of saying sorry! if you're really sorry then just stop doing it!!! divert your attention to things worthwhile. and when you feel it, just ignore it! do not pay attention, ok~! grrr. and now you're sorry- again. this time i hope it's for real.

i remember a verse from the Bible,

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

pepeng is here. don't you worry because God will turn that typhoon in the opposite direction- back at sea- so it won't aggravate the pitiful situation of our fellowmen. God will protect us. and because of fear that flood levels will go up, my relatives from Pinagbuhatan who experienced flooding evacuated here at home. they might stay here until Christmas or just until the flood subsides. and i'm not in good terms with Edward. (do you really have to post that? ;-) oh well.


thank you, God for forgiving me from all my sins. but that verse doesn't give me the right to sin, just because You'll keep on forgiving me. You require me to be holy just as You are holy God. please help me to not commit sin and glorify Your Name always. protect us from harm o God, and may You reverse the direction of the typhoon so it would just stay at sea and won't continue devastating the country. thank You, Jesus.

85 days before Christmas!

as usual nothing much has happened, my days are always monotonous and customary. i'm convicted to get up and get going to exercise what i have learned and, to help my mom in the shop. my mom's not getting any younger so i have to be responsible with supervising the shop- or at least help her. i am always upstairs, handling the server and doing facebook all day. today, i got tired of playing and i shifted to writing plans and goals and wishes. thankfully though, my account is under maintenance so i haven't played too much- just collected the "earnings" from my "properties" and after that, signed out. somehow it helped my addiction to falter. now, i've got the chance to check and organize my mails. i've neglected them since i've become hooked to facebook. i check them only once a week, or when i think that my mail's been piling up. i've disregarded a lot of things since i've had my eye on fb, and realized that i should moderate my playing. i guess i'll just have to log in only if i have to collect my earnings, and play a little bit and that's it. i have even missed exercising. argh. i really have to do something about this.

i've started doing a script for my own movie or tv series but i never meant to submit it or what. it's my simple way of expressing the thoughts in my mind. my literary fantasies and stories that i wished would happen to me in reality but can't. the problem is aside from being a facebook fanatic, my mind is always in a whirlwind and can't focus on a single story. if i have a lot of hands then i might have done different stories and just compile them to make it one. it is a sign of a balanced brain- according to my results. sometimes both sides of my brain have their different opinion depending on their point of view which makes it difficult for me to decide. it's like i wanted to have both. actually, if i have to decide which i want better, and i'm having trouble making up my mind, i'd choose both. if i can't have both then i would rather have none at all. but if i really, really have to make a judgment, then i would go with what my heart tells me- or is it my mind? or perhaps what appeals to me at the moment. i really wanted to finish that script. i wanted to accomplish something worthwhile being an educated bummer :)

i'm trying out this virtual makeover studio from DailyMakeover.com to experiment with  hairstyles and makeup that suits me before applying it on myself. i feel the need for a total makeover. i wanted to see myself with a new hairstyle and with makeup on to boost my confidence and self- esteem. ever since i was a kid i've never seen myself beautiful. my mom told me that i am not pretty unlike my sister. even my relatives would say that my sister is more beautiful than i do. i grew up being a wallflower, never noticed at all. very rare are the instances that someone would say that i am beautiful. and i would definitely appreciate that compliment. growing up, i have learned to accept that fact that i am not as beautiful as other people, but still i am thankful because God gave me a complete body. since i have learned to accept that, it doesn't matter anymore if i am ignored at or people would say, she's not pretty. i don't care. i love myself, i love my God- given beauty (in my own right) though they won't appreciate it. but acceptance doesn't mean embracing mediocrity. of course not. i still try to look good by dressing up or putting makeup on. even if i don't have the personality, i know that i exude that aura of confidence and poise because i have learned to love myself. i live up to my philosophy that if i feel good, i will look good. and it definitely shows. well, not really, but somehow.

i hope that these awakening will not remain a realization. i wish that they serve as a motivation to fuel change in my actions, consummate my being, and be better for the glory of my Maker.

94 days before Christmas! it's just around the corner... can't wait!

God bless us!

i can't really hide my excitement knowing that it's 97 days left till Christmas! even this early i am planning for things to do, and where to go and what gifts to buy. when the thought of Christmas hits me, my smile is all the way up to my ears. hahaha.
i heard a Christmas tune on TV and got all the more excited. i am planning for us to go Star City, but not on the holidays- probably earlier- to avoid crowd frenzy. i am praying for a PS3- with a dance dance revolution with it, and a Magic Sing. and hopefully, a new cellphone too! i am not expecting to have these, but in my heart, well, i am hopeful :)
i got pissed off while doing facebook this afternoon. i can't get to play my new games! grrr... i guess there are still some kinks that fb is still trying to  fix. oh well.
praise God i was successful with fixing the computer! at least i won't have to buy a new computer. at least not now.
my mom has been addicted to youtube. she's been tuning in to it all night. :)
i don't know what else to share...
just a...
MERRY CHRISTMAS! yehey pasko na!!!! woohooo!!!!

97 days before Christmas!!!

i haven't been going to church for a month already, and of course i miss the fellowship. i'm attending Victory Christian Fellowship in Metro East and i miss the sevice. it has been 6 months since i left my former church- for some reasons i won't say so, i won't go into details. a part of my heart has remained in the church. that's where i grew, serving God through teaching and songleading. i really miss the times when my friends and i  stayed in the church until late at night. we still see each other though, and we never lost contact. but the fellowship we had, in the church, serving the Lord together- that's what i miss the most.

yesterday, my friend sent me a text message asking me if i'd like to attend in our former church. i gladly replied, "sige.see you tom." it's a reunion i've long been waiting (and praying) for! i was so excited- so excited that i woke up early. i don't wanna be late. i wanted to attend the praise and worship. i got up so very early-6:30 am....while the service is 10:30! so i slept again, then woke up 7:30. then slept again, then woke at 8:30. haha. i'm obviously excited!

i felt my mind awake though my body is asleep. i heard my mom going upstairs and into the room. she woke me up, around 9:30 and she didn't have difficulty waking me up! i didn't even asked for a sleep extension. :) i prepared, and was done before 10:30. my friends fetched me from home and together we went to church. i remembered telling them to go ahead of me, my presence is meant to be a surprise, hehehe. they were shy to enter in, so holding each other's hands we entered the church like a celebrity. nyahahaha!

(Sorry God. we were never listening to our Pastor's sermon. it's like we came there only to reunite. Sorry!!!)

the service came to an end after 2 hrs. the deacon invited us for lunch. i missed that too. eating together and talking and laughing. i was even scolded because of my boisterousness- reminding me of good eating manners and all that- i didn't get embarrased. i didn't even cared at all. then the deacon told me that they used to eat quietly since i left, so they were surprised of all the talking on the dinner table!

i snapped some pics of the special day, and here are some:















i just don't understand why i don't see my face on the pictures..... :)

we're planning another get together, hopefully next month.

haven't updated my blog for a long time.. i'm groping for words to say actually. i've been preoccupied with so many things lately that i haven't thought of a topic to share. hehe. oh, and there will be a major improvement here- i mean with my site- anytime soon.

remember the time i was having dilemma? to work or not to work... i have resolved the issue now. and it's not to work! hahaha! while some people are so desperate searching for jobs, i on the other hand chose not to work. i have to attend to my kids and the business that's why.

what else? uhmm... since my eldest daughter was born, i became fond of spongebob squarepants. i've been collecting dvd's of spongebob episodes and they never fail to make me laugh! i even have a collection of soundtracks from the movie and tv episodes. i listen to it everyday and i love it!!! i think i'm beginning to look like him rofl!

it's the end of the summer season in the country and too bad i haven't enjoyed it. we can't afford an out-of-town trip, or swimming in a private resort. that was what i wanted to do last holy week but unfortunately didn't push through. well, alright. it happens.

i have been feeling sick these past few weeks or since january this year, but i don't bother to notice it. i just thought well maybe i'm just tired or i lack sleep. but when i shared to mama what i've been going through, she told me that maybe i'm developing diabetes. since then i started to be concerned about my health. i made a declaration to exercise and do jogging every morning. well, good luck to me. :) i even asked my hubby to buy me running shoes to motivate me. i'm still waiting for it.

i'm feeling sleepy. i can't continue this anymore. i'm running out of words to say.

until then!

my journey to work continued. yesterday, i went back to Commonwealth for my final interview. the traffic was heavy that i got late for my appointment. after 5 minutes i was called. i got inside the room, not so tensed at all. i felt confident, i had to exude confidence or else i'll stammer. i was asked to describe myself, my work experience and educational background. she briefly told me the results of my exams and interview. she told me that the scores i got were below minimum requirement for tech support applicants, so they offered me customer service instead. but they have to assign me in Commonwealth. i didn't agree. the place isn't accessible. by cab yes, but practically i don't want to be assigned there. it will take me 1 hr to get there by cab and 2 hrs by other means. since the place is a hundred miles away from home i can't say that i'll be amenable in shifting skeds and graveyard. imagine spending 400 pesos only for a cab? that's unreasonable. i asked to be endorsed in ortigas, where it's nearer from our place, but the HR told me that i will be assigned for outbound collections. no way man! my sister whines about it and she told me that that account is toxic! i saw her several times dragging herself to work and gave up. i turned down all their offers, their options, which left me with nothing.

i didn't felt bad. i wasn't disappointed at all. i just felt sad that i didn't meet the expectations of the people believing that i can do it. and i was thinking that my dreams were like a feet away, so close that i can almost grab it. but it vanished into thin air, leaving my dreams shattered and my heart broken. i understand perfectly what the HR said, to weigh my options and consider my priorities. i can be hired if i wanted to but the thing is, even if convergys is prestigious and all but i didn't like my work, then it can be grueling. it will seem like a battle everyday. i'm not really after prestige, fame and money- that's secondary. i'd prefer to have a job where i can express myself and i am not confined. a job which i really love doing, a job that i really enjoy. you can't be successful if you force yourself to something you don't like doing. it's like pushing yourself against a wall- it will only leave you drained but you don't get through.

that night before, i prayed and asked God for His will to be done. i know this is what He wants. i'm not sure exactly why He allowed this to happen- i guess He wanted to teach me and show me something. things happen for a reason, and all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. Romans 8:28. one of these days i'll understand why it turned out this way. but i have placed my complete trust on the Lord, and i believe that He is planning something great and special for my life. i just need to wait upon the Lord...trust in Him...and one day everything will turn out OK.

i woke up early, around 6:30 am. it's still early, so i gave myself an hour of sleep extension. i got up at exactly 7:30, and prepared for the big day. at 8am i left home and hit Convergys Commonwealth.

it was a 45 minute travel by a cab, and it was a good thing that the traffic was minimal. when i get there there were a whole lot of other applicants waiting for their turn to be called. it was very cold which added to my nervousness chills. i met new friends while waiting for my interview. after waiting for a decade i was finally called. i got inside the room with 4 other applicants and the HR started the interview.

the initial interview is about work experience and educational background. piece of cake. the next part of the interview was nerve-rattling. we had to pick a question from the box and answer it. just like in the beauty contests. so i answered the question as poised and as confident as i can... after which we have to wait again for a couple of minutes for the results.

we spent the time waiting in the pantry and availed the 50 pesos worth of complimentary meal given by the company. convergys' so generous hehehe. a surprise came while we were eating our meal. the HR handed out papers wherein the result was written. unexpectedly, i passed and the other 3 i'm with failed. i am very much elated that i passed the first part. but i have to undergo a series of exams and interview...

i waited again, for another 15 minutes for my name to be called. that is for the online exam. when i was called and 5 other applicants, we got inside the room, picked a seat and started our online exam. the first part is basic computer knowledge. the second part is listening skills exam, where we got to listen to someone and write down what he said. also, the call situation exam where we listened to a call situation and choose the best option appropriate for that particular situation. lastly is the personality test.

you might think that that was so easy for me. not really. there's this part in the online exam where we get to listen to calls and then asked about the information given by the customers. and during that time, i don't know, perhaps my mind was at rest or i just feel tense that i wanted to go to the restroom and pee, or maybe i was listening too hard that i missed out the infos that the customer is giving out. i even asked myself, "what's going on with me?!" the words were fleeting through my mind that it didn't even took the time to register. that time i thought that maybe i failed this part of the exam, and i am not expecting at all that i would pass. but still i did. thank God!

the last part of the test is the typing skill test. we should reach the requirement of 35 wpm (words-per-minute). i started right away and got 38 wpm, less 2 mistakes so that made it 36 wpm- the adjusted speed. i didn't bother to retake the test though we can take it as many times as we like until we reach 35 wpm or above; because my results might change. instead of achieving a requirement of 35 wpm, i might jitter and attain below requirement. so never mind.

finally, i was able to make it through the whole day of twists and turns. i was advised that my final interview would be at 7:25pm. i can't wait that long (coz i finshed around 3pm), and i don't want to travel from Commonwealth to Cainta at night by myself. so i asked the HR to re sked my final interview the next day. yeah, he granted my request but very, very early! he told me to be there before 9am! wow... as in wow.

convergys is the company where aspirant agents wishes to be employed. and i'm one of them. i'm one step closer to achieving my dreams. if i pass the final exam, thank God for this opportunity to be working in a prestigous, envied company. but if not, thank God because i had a chance to prove to myself that somehow, i can do it. i failed but i'm not a loser. it's a stepping stone to regaining my confidence. whatever happens, MAY YOUR WILL BE DONE, O GOD.

yesterday wasn't really so bad... i was surprised by my husband with an unanticipated birthday package- a dozen pink roses and a cuddly stuffed bear.






and i thought that i would be having a black and white birthday. i did, but my friends came over to celebrate with me! though all i can afford was halo- halo, we still had loads of fun :)






it was so nice having them since my day was a little gloomy. i just thought that this is life, this is all but natural and inspite of the crisis i still received a present. i guess i should learn to be content of what i have... hehe.

anyway, i thank God for the protection and blessing for the past year, and now He's given me another year to fulfill His plans and to accomplish my mission. i will try to be more focused on my goals and try not to waste my time lol. my birthday is like new year where i make resolutions and hopefully not break them. i hope to see a better me as i turn a year older- in all aspects of life. i hope to attain eventually the ambitions i have for myself and for my family. i pray for prosperity, more blessings and protection for the year ahead.

i will be a victor in life, for i believe "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13