Enigma of the Heart

I am glad to be staying at home, playing with the kids and doing what I love to do. But looking at our situation, I know that I have to work. I've got to work. I can't understand why this have to happen. I really feel so sad.

I just got to trust God's ways. I just need to let God and let go.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version, ©2010, BibleGateway.com)

cool breeze, short days and long nights, Christmas trees adorned with bright lights and colorful decorations sold in the department store speaks Christmas. omg, it feels and smells Christmas coming!!!

i don't know how many times i've mentioned that this is my most favorite time of the year, and indeed it is. in preparation for a totally cool Christmas, i've bought a Pashmina scarf and i'm loving it! this is gonna be my travel buddy this season.

something happened which made us consider moving out- a rift between my mom and our landlord. i'm not sure whether this is God's will or not, but what's definite is that if everything falls into place then that must be His will. after all, if it's not His time then this isn't gonna happen. we may have the desire but if it isn't His will, that desire will remain as that and won't be fulfilled yet. we're awaiting for that wonderful time when He's gonna reveal His will, and when He has provided everything for the big move.

moving isn't easy. we have a lot of considerations which may affect our decision whether or not to move. first, there's our business. when we move, my investment will be gone (for awhile i hope, and I'm praying that God will give me another investment- a bigger one :) ). secondly, our desire to pursue our college education. if we prioritize the move, then there might be a possibility that my schooling will be postponed for next year. i am fully aware of the family's expenses, including debt payments, and i don't want to contribute to our debt pile up. instead, i wanted to help alleviate the burden of expenses. third is my daughters' education. i don't want an instantaneous decision, i want everything all planned, and all going on as planned. i want the move only on summer. aside from a good weather, it's the children's vacation. so we have a lot of time packing, and being busy with everything without interfering with the kids' education. we have to really pray a lot for it. we want God to move and for His will to be done.

i wanted to plan what dishes to prepare this Christmas. i'd like to have a theme for this season- i will think about it. or perhaps not. the family is conventional and not used to any changes hehe. definitely there'll be fruit salad, and potato croquettes. other than that, i have to think of and search in the web :)

this november 30 will premiere my much awaited tv series- the Filipino adaptation of Full House! it is topbilled by Richard Gutierrez playing the role of Justin and Heart Evangelista who will play the role of Jessie. the Korean version of full house is adored by millions around the world, and the good thing is that GMA Network bought the rights of this series not just to be shown here but for the making of the Filipino adaptation as well. I am so excited for this!



49 days to go before Christmas! yay! :)

this morning at church they played this song "I Love to Love You". i wasn't familiar with the song but i got the melody quite quickly that i was able to sing along with the worship team. here it goes,

last week was rough but memorable. i remembered it was a saturday when the typhoon struck and we lost electricity. yesterday another typhoon hit the northern regions of luzon, which in a way affected metro manila. typhoon pepeng is as destructive as ondoy, only ondoy generated so much rains while pepeng produced more winds. we can sleep soundly tonight for we are far from danger. the direction and speed of typhoon pepeng changed and i hope it would leave the country ASAP.

i'm so thankful that metro manila is now recovering from the damages caused by the typhoon. one filipino virtue is resiliency- easily rebounding from any adversities. and filipinos are a bunch of happy people. not because we make fun of the situation, but we have hope in our hearts that these problems will come to pass and that a Supreme Being- God- is going to bless us.

i know that inspite of what have happened, filipinos are very optimistic- we will have a merry Christmas. to celebrate God's goodness and protection, and to thank Him for what He has done.

i've lost count as to how many days it is before Christmas. i do not want to count anymore. i'll post it tomorrow :)

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name...

was the absolute cry of my heart. i chose to praise God though we're in the midst of crisis. just last week, the business was closed because of the ISP network restoration. since then we have no other form of income. then typhoon ondoy struck. we had to accomodate our relatives who were greatly affected by the flood. our cousin with jaundice was diagnosed with viral infection and the doctor's early diagnosis was he probably has cancer. their house is still flooded as of this time. my husband is having difficulty supporting our needs because he has to pay for his bank loans. we cannot afford to send my daughter with autism to therapy because we don't have money to pay for it. this month's bills are still unpaid. i don't know how am i going to pay for them.

honestly, my heart doesn't lose hope. my faith still clings in me that i can't afford to feel hopeless. i have a powerful God who can turn these adversities into blessings. i know that God has His reasons, His purpose why He allowed us to experience suffering. i am not a hypocrite to say that i never felt fear. i tremble too. but God's love and grace overpowers that fear and it swallows it whole. we may be in the midst of suffering but my God is the God who provides. God has a plan for us. perhaps God wanted us to empty our jars so that when we are all dried up God will heavily pour His blessings that we will be filled to the brim, not having enough jars to contain it. after these sufferings i believe that God will surely bless us that we can't contain it, so much that we have to give away.

i cannot be angry with God. God is too good to be unkind. He may have allowed us to suffer but He will never forsake us. His hand will always be guiding, protecting and blessing. His heart overflowing with love, grace and mercy.

God, we may be experiencing trials now but i believe that we are more than conquerors because we have Jesus. You will never leave us nor forsake us. You have plans for us- it is to prosper us, give us hope and a future. we will hold on to You, God. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME

88 days before Christmas.

many thanks to tangle, my source of inspirational videos.

this morning, i was so thankful that God healed me. i praised and thanked Him in my prayer. i seek for Him during my morning quiet time. and i found the promises from God's word which i can trust. i wanted my life to live for God's glory and the Spirit revealed to me through God's word how i could live a life glorifying to God. if i want to know the perfect will of God for my life, i should be transformed and renewed. i shouldn't conform my self any longer to the patterns of this world. According to

Romans 12:2

           Do not conform yourself any longer to the pattern of this world , but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

that ain't easy to do. but by the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, i know that i can do it. if i have to renew my mind then i have to censor my thoughts. any thought that is not aligned with God's words should be pulled down, and thrown away. that is actually one of the keys to a victorious Christian life- to have our minds renewed and transformed by Jesus then everything we do is in obedience to God. when you become obedient to God, definitely the blessings will follow. i quoted and memorized this verse so that i could have a weapon.

2 Corinthians 10:5

            We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we make captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

our minds is the battlefield. everytime we think of something, especially if it is not good, then we're already engaging in a battle. we shouldn't dwell on that thought for too long, or else we will be imagining things within what we thought. when we start imagining we think of the steps that we're going to take just to do what we thought of. and when we let our thought and imagination linger on our minds, we take action. why? because that imagination became a stronghold and starts controlling our life. that is conforming to the world. we have to censor our thoughts. throw down negative thoughts and rebuke it in the name of Jesus. replace it with God's words that has power. we should be controlled by God, and not by our thoughts. our thoughts should always be according to God's word and the perfect will of God. that should be our stronghold- God's words. when we have fully relied on God's word, we will truly be victorious in every aspect of life. trials may come but that wouldn't tear you apart and break you to pieces. because God's word and His promises are our foundation, we're sure to be blessed even in our trials and sufferings. we just have to learn to censor our thoughts and

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

God bless us all!

90 days left before Christmas! exactly 3 months before Christmas day. oooh, so exciting! :)

i guess i wanted something new in my life- or at least try out something new. i wanted to try belly dancing. this morning i am perked up to try out the dance exercise but everyone at home woke up early as i did. ashamed of being seen dancing, i postponed my dance exercise till tomorrow.

this morning i have felt something in my chest. a piercing sensation but it suddenly goes away. then comes back, then goes away. it kinda bothered me, so i prayed for it. actually, i felt it since last night. so since last night i started praying for it. and every time i feel it, i pray. i claimed in Jesus Name that i am healed, by His stripes i am definitely healed. even if it continues to bother me, i know i am healed. i have entrusted to God my whole health, and even the health of my family. if He has healed sick people long before i was born, i know that He will do the same with me.

i have this book entitled Hung by the Tongue by Francis Martin, and it is filled with God's promises we can rely on to our daily lives. Pastor Martin shared in his book that success is ours if we speak it. we can claim God's promises if we believe by faith. fear will prevent us from speaking victory. it will deter our faith. if we believe in our hearts that Jesus healed us, then we speak it by faith, God will surely heal us. it is very timely that i received his message, for i am experiencing a physical malady. like the personal experience of Pastor Martin, i too have entrusted to God my health. i told God that i believe in Him that He alone can heal me, even if i don't go to the doctor. He is our Great Physician and by Jesus stripes we were healed. fear has seeped in my heart too. but i rebuked it and claimed God's healing. i know i am healed. i praise and thank Jesus for healing me. now i have my own testimony to share- of how God's power healed me.

truth is i'm still experiencing that as of this writing. but i exercise my faith, i believe in God. and when He said that i am healed, i know i am healed.

Mark 11:24
      Whatsoever things you desire, when you pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them.

91 days before Christmas!

*thank You Jesus for healing me.

there are a lot of happenings this past week. first, my daughter's been schooling. as a hands-on mom i wake up in the morning to prepare their breakfast and baon, send them to school and fetch them after classes. as i've told in my previous posts, i'm getting really tired but this weekend is just a blessing. of course, no classes!

last friday my sister brought home a bad news. she was terminated from sitel because of poor performance and tardiness. my sister was saddened about the announcement. that was the first job she liked in her whole working life, and the only job she enjoyed doing. that was the only job she felt she was happy doing that she never dragged her feet going to work. too bad it wasn't meant for her. she felt she was sabotaged by indifferent superiors so she was terminated. but my sister's resilient. she bounced back after that incident. she realized that God is teaching her something and that there is certainly a purpose why God didn't want her to continue working there. the reason why, i don't know, but God will reveal it in time.

last wednesday or thursday ( i can't really remember the exact day) i received a letter from PLDT and Telus. the pldt letter is for me, about my default payment arrangement. truth is i forgot about it, and wasn't able to pay for it. so they sent me a letter. but now it's settled. :) from Telus is for my sister, stating that she has to report back for work after an AWOL (my sister always does that *wink*).  it as a month already since she AWOLled from job but it was a coincidence that they sent a letter because she was about to be terminated from work. unfortunately though, the letter was so super delayed that they have closed her profile in the company and can't go back to work- unless she re-apply. wala rin, ganun din. hehehe.

another bad news surprised us: my cousin who is pregnant and married is now abandoned by her husband leaving her for another woman. that cousin of ours is our closest cousin- she was like a sister to me. i was shocked when she sent me a message in my friendster about it. my sister called her up immediately to find out if it's true, and indeed it is. i feel so bad for her. i think men like his husband should be put to jail. at least be put to jail rather than be killed. let's just say whatever is the worse- i just won't say it.

she has to sue him for infidelity- only if she have in hand an evidence to prove it. but i think she has to pursue suing him. if i were her i'd not want to have anything to do with him and her family. i'll take responsibility of raising the child without the father. i'd rather think of him as dead or not existing at all. even if his family would ask to see our son i'd fight for my right as a mother neglected by their son who doesn't care at all. i hate guys like that.

and also last friday, my daughter wasn't able to go to school because her school service didn't fetch her up. i'd definitely tell the principal about this matter. they should know that it will be hard for my daughter to travel! the reason why we sent her there to study is because of the tuition fee! and a service from school is equivalent to money because i will be paying for it! i just want convenience for my daughter. they should've told me if they are not going to fetch her so we'll be looking for someone else! grrrr...

while i was looking for my daughters' birth certificates, i found my CAP certificate of scholarship. it was a scholarship certificate transferred to me by my husband since he's busy working. he has given me that so i can continue my studies. unfortunately it didn't push through, so the certificate was like useless over the years. now that i found it i'd like to pursue my college education again. how i wish it's God's plan.

i think i've already mentioned in my previous post that we already found a helper at home. better so that she could do the things i don't want to do- cleaning the house, washing the dishes and all the other chores. hehehe. but she's leaving for work as early as now (she just came in last week and now she's asking for a vacation). valid reason: she has to take her baby girl back to the province. the baby is hindering her from working. several times she can't finish her job on time because the baby is crying and is looking for her. there are times that she can't clean our room because she has to leave early. she even forgot to iron my daughter's uniform! grrr... very emotional week.

but above it all, i'm thankful for God's grace, we're still alive. God is so good! Thank you, Lord!

be updating again if i'm not busy. so long, maties!

i'm just starting to like blogging when i didn't have a choice but to be in hiatus for a while. now that i'm back, (not for long) i am brimming with stories to tell.

if i'm not mistaken, i guess it has been 3 weeks to 1 month since my mom got sick. i had to perform her duties as she relieved from her job (job..hehe!) i had to do the dishes, the cooking, everything but the laundry. most importantly, i had to manage the shop.  i do not complain or anything. i love the fact that i'm always busy, it keeps my adrenaline pumping. it's just tiring though. while i took her place i missed the things i was doing- sleeping foremost, then surfing the net and playing games. including blogging and plurk. it's a good thing i was whiled away from the computer- at least i don't plurk anymore. as if my world revolved around it that as i woke in the morning and before sleeping at night, going to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth i have to plurk. i am free! wahehehe!

my mom's doing fine now, better than the past few weeks. she can do some chores now without complaining of dizziness. at least i have help in doing tasks at home. she's currently taking medications and thank God she's getting better everyday.

i'm not sure if i mentioned here that we're experiencing financial difficulty. i do not want to elaborate, that thing i want to keep private. but ever since we started to face this problem, we see God's hand all throughout every hopeless situation we face. my husband is the most affected by this bad situation. he is in Dubai and there, the cost of living is high as in above sea level. i asked him how his salary provides his needs. he was amazed of how God is working in his life. the remainder from his salary is not more than a hundred dirhams but it can get him through one month! some things we thought are impossible are really possible for God. i don't how God does that... it makes wonders!

he owes the bank four hundred and fifty dirhams. he actually didn't know how to produce that money or where in the world he would get it. it's in hopeless situations where God displays his awesome power. he was so desperate to pay the bank so he asked for my help. i sent him 5000 pesos but that wasn't enough to pay the bank. he added the last money he has left, his allowance for this whole month. still wasn't enough. he has to look for 20 dirhams more. in that moment he prayed, took a step of faith and went to the atm machine to withdraw money. he remembered he only has 7 dhs left in his account. but without checking his balance he just pressed withdraw-100. he was amazed at the power of God.  the atm screen read, "thank you. you may now take your cash and your card." cash? he still had a hundred dhs left in his account and it was so much more enough to pay the bank and his allowance for the whole month! he was blown away he wanted to cry. tears welled up in his eyes, his body shaking from joy and awe. we know God is a God of wonders, of impossibilities, of might and power but you'll never know how it's like till you experience it!

we have abandoned the land we own somewhere in Pasig. we didn't have any plan for it at all. the only plan we have is to sell it.

it's been more than 10 years since we've acquired that land. it was my mom and dad's investment. unfortunately we cannot afford to pay the monthly dues and even attempt to build even just a small house on it. so what we wanted was to just sell it. we've been preoccupied with many many things that we didn't remember about it at all. since there are no direct buyers, we just left the negotiations in the hands of the members of the association. it was one answered prayer too. a prayer that we never thought would be answered so soon. i mean we've been praying for it for a long time but since we haven't realized about it we thought well, perhaps God will answer it some time. we're in the brink of the financial struggle when we received this blessing- a prospect buyer asks how much we are selling the property! and know what, after a week we already received the payment and processed the documents. it was like, wow, God you're so amazing!

we were able to pay everyone we owe, and the bills, and everything else we need to pay. God's blessings are so timely. just as we were about to give up, just as we were about to lose hope, God's there. He hears the cry of a hopeless, desperate soul who just gives his heart and soul to trust the almighty God. he never fails his people who trusts him. when someone loses someone to hold, God's hand is there, His grip tight to never let you fall. God, all praises to You! Thank You Lord!

Reminds me of a song from Brenton Brown:

God has been teaching me a lot of things lately and made me realize their importance. we're going through difficult times now but i believe God is moving. He's going to show His might and power over these struggles we're going through. i realized how sin damages the life of an individual, and how it causes trials in life. the very reason I can't blame God for our afflictions. it's unfair for a God who has our best interests at heart to be questioned and shouted at just because we're facing adversities... when in fact we're to blame. all God wanted was our happiness. He lets us choose which path we want to take. when we stumble because of wrong decisions, He's still there to lift us up and mend our pieces together.

i believe everything happens for a reason. He has planned something for us and it's His will that's happening in our lives. when we choose our paths or our decisions, His will is to allow us to take that certain path or make that certain decision. if we fail, He has a reason: to teach us to listen to Him, acknowledge His presence in our life and seek His help and to learn from the actions we made. He wanted me to depend on Him in everything. the truth is He never gets tired of listening to me...

i have faith that God is going to bless us abundantly- in every aspect of life- just as long as I trust in Him and seek Him first before everything.

when something happens in my life, it's not just about me. it's about God. it's about His marvelous plan for my life.