I know I told myself to pursue writing but here it goes again. Truth is I am not allowed to chronicle my daily experiences as he perceives them all but emotional. This is my only outlet, my release, and the only way I am able to speak my feelings. I can't tell anyone what I really feel, not even him. Of course I can't speak to my mom about this as she will bear more grudge and hate for him.
We're happy, yes we are. He has changed, but still a work in progress. I don't know if it's just me who is setting a standard of a relationship that I wanted, and for him it's like I'm putting him on a leash. I do not want to restrain him from being with his friends but it seems like every time he's going out, he never learned. I have been angry about this and we've talked about this for several weeks already and it's been occurring WEEKLY and yet he never learned. I am running out of patience. I am trying to be understanding but it's him who does not even attempt to comprehend my feelings.
Perhaps or maybe certainly, he does not value me at all. For if he does, he will not even think of doing something that might hurt my feelings. I am contemplating whether this is already a major issue that involves a rather drastic approach, or something that I can still deal with and let go. I told him one time that if this happens again, I will leave. I am just not sure if I'm talking to a sober man, though, or perhaps not.
The reason why I am hurting is because I really want to spend time with him but cannot, because he's not here. He's out with his friends rather than spending time with me. As I have mentioned to him several times already, I will allow him to go out and be with his friends as long as he comes home at least every 2 hours just to check on me; that he would send me a message; and he comes home sober. He left at 3, came home at 6 or 7 to check on me and left again. It's almost 11 pm as of writing and he still hasn't come home. I would like to ask him to come home but how can I do that when he has not brought his phone with him? I haven't had dinner yet, and he hasn't come to eat or at least ask me if I have eaten.
He didn't have much sleep from yesterday because he was out drinking with his friends. After which he had to find things that he's required to bring for his new work. I got angry last night.. but I think he does not even remember it anymore.
He has installed a CCTV camera which has a view of the street outside. He even told me to look at the monitor and see that he's just there, sitting where the camera hits the view. But I haven't seen him there. I really don't want to think he's doing something but he could not blame me if I would get suspicious of him. He has not been acting the way he used to be. I do not want to be unfair. But is he being fair to me? I am so hurt, I do not know what to do.
We're happy, yes we are. He has changed, but still a work in progress. I don't know if it's just me who is setting a standard of a relationship that I wanted, and for him it's like I'm putting him on a leash. I do not want to restrain him from being with his friends but it seems like every time he's going out, he never learned. I have been angry about this and we've talked about this for several weeks already and it's been occurring WEEKLY and yet he never learned. I am running out of patience. I am trying to be understanding but it's him who does not even attempt to comprehend my feelings.
Perhaps or maybe certainly, he does not value me at all. For if he does, he will not even think of doing something that might hurt my feelings. I am contemplating whether this is already a major issue that involves a rather drastic approach, or something that I can still deal with and let go. I told him one time that if this happens again, I will leave. I am just not sure if I'm talking to a sober man, though, or perhaps not.
The reason why I am hurting is because I really want to spend time with him but cannot, because he's not here. He's out with his friends rather than spending time with me. As I have mentioned to him several times already, I will allow him to go out and be with his friends as long as he comes home at least every 2 hours just to check on me; that he would send me a message; and he comes home sober. He left at 3, came home at 6 or 7 to check on me and left again. It's almost 11 pm as of writing and he still hasn't come home. I would like to ask him to come home but how can I do that when he has not brought his phone with him? I haven't had dinner yet, and he hasn't come to eat or at least ask me if I have eaten.
He didn't have much sleep from yesterday because he was out drinking with his friends. After which he had to find things that he's required to bring for his new work. I got angry last night.. but I think he does not even remember it anymore.
He has installed a CCTV camera which has a view of the street outside. He even told me to look at the monitor and see that he's just there, sitting where the camera hits the view. But I haven't seen him there. I really don't want to think he's doing something but he could not blame me if I would get suspicious of him. He has not been acting the way he used to be. I do not want to be unfair. But is he being fair to me? I am so hurt, I do not know what to do.
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