Enigma of the Heart

my journey to work continued. yesterday, i went back to Commonwealth for my final interview. the traffic was heavy that i got late for my appointment. after 5 minutes i was called. i got inside the room, not so tensed at all. i felt confident, i had to exude confidence or else i'll stammer. i was asked to describe myself, my work experience and educational background. she briefly told me the results of my exams and interview. she told me that the scores i got were below minimum requirement for tech support applicants, so they offered me customer service instead. but they have to assign me in Commonwealth. i didn't agree. the place isn't accessible. by cab yes, but practically i don't want to be assigned there. it will take me 1 hr to get there by cab and 2 hrs by other means. since the place is a hundred miles away from home i can't say that i'll be amenable in shifting skeds and graveyard. imagine spending 400 pesos only for a cab? that's unreasonable. i asked to be endorsed in ortigas, where it's nearer from our place, but the HR told me that i will be assigned for outbound collections. no way man! my sister whines about it and she told me that that account is toxic! i saw her several times dragging herself to work and gave up. i turned down all their offers, their options, which left me with nothing.

i didn't felt bad. i wasn't disappointed at all. i just felt sad that i didn't meet the expectations of the people believing that i can do it. and i was thinking that my dreams were like a feet away, so close that i can almost grab it. but it vanished into thin air, leaving my dreams shattered and my heart broken. i understand perfectly what the HR said, to weigh my options and consider my priorities. i can be hired if i wanted to but the thing is, even if convergys is prestigious and all but i didn't like my work, then it can be grueling. it will seem like a battle everyday. i'm not really after prestige, fame and money- that's secondary. i'd prefer to have a job where i can express myself and i am not confined. a job which i really love doing, a job that i really enjoy. you can't be successful if you force yourself to something you don't like doing. it's like pushing yourself against a wall- it will only leave you drained but you don't get through.

that night before, i prayed and asked God for His will to be done. i know this is what He wants. i'm not sure exactly why He allowed this to happen- i guess He wanted to teach me and show me something. things happen for a reason, and all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. Romans 8:28. one of these days i'll understand why it turned out this way. but i have placed my complete trust on the Lord, and i believe that He is planning something great and special for my life. i just need to wait upon the Lord...trust in Him...and one day everything will turn out OK.

i woke up early, around 6:30 am. it's still early, so i gave myself an hour of sleep extension. i got up at exactly 7:30, and prepared for the big day. at 8am i left home and hit Convergys Commonwealth.

it was a 45 minute travel by a cab, and it was a good thing that the traffic was minimal. when i get there there were a whole lot of other applicants waiting for their turn to be called. it was very cold which added to my nervousness chills. i met new friends while waiting for my interview. after waiting for a decade i was finally called. i got inside the room with 4 other applicants and the HR started the interview.

the initial interview is about work experience and educational background. piece of cake. the next part of the interview was nerve-rattling. we had to pick a question from the box and answer it. just like in the beauty contests. so i answered the question as poised and as confident as i can... after which we have to wait again for a couple of minutes for the results.

we spent the time waiting in the pantry and availed the 50 pesos worth of complimentary meal given by the company. convergys' so generous hehehe. a surprise came while we were eating our meal. the HR handed out papers wherein the result was written. unexpectedly, i passed and the other 3 i'm with failed. i am very much elated that i passed the first part. but i have to undergo a series of exams and interview...

i waited again, for another 15 minutes for my name to be called. that is for the online exam. when i was called and 5 other applicants, we got inside the room, picked a seat and started our online exam. the first part is basic computer knowledge. the second part is listening skills exam, where we got to listen to someone and write down what he said. also, the call situation exam where we listened to a call situation and choose the best option appropriate for that particular situation. lastly is the personality test.

you might think that that was so easy for me. not really. there's this part in the online exam where we get to listen to calls and then asked about the information given by the customers. and during that time, i don't know, perhaps my mind was at rest or i just feel tense that i wanted to go to the restroom and pee, or maybe i was listening too hard that i missed out the infos that the customer is giving out. i even asked myself, "what's going on with me?!" the words were fleeting through my mind that it didn't even took the time to register. that time i thought that maybe i failed this part of the exam, and i am not expecting at all that i would pass. but still i did. thank God!

the last part of the test is the typing skill test. we should reach the requirement of 35 wpm (words-per-minute). i started right away and got 38 wpm, less 2 mistakes so that made it 36 wpm- the adjusted speed. i didn't bother to retake the test though we can take it as many times as we like until we reach 35 wpm or above; because my results might change. instead of achieving a requirement of 35 wpm, i might jitter and attain below requirement. so never mind.

finally, i was able to make it through the whole day of twists and turns. i was advised that my final interview would be at 7:25pm. i can't wait that long (coz i finshed around 3pm), and i don't want to travel from Commonwealth to Cainta at night by myself. so i asked the HR to re sked my final interview the next day. yeah, he granted my request but very, very early! he told me to be there before 9am! wow... as in wow.

convergys is the company where aspirant agents wishes to be employed. and i'm one of them. i'm one step closer to achieving my dreams. if i pass the final exam, thank God for this opportunity to be working in a prestigous, envied company. but if not, thank God because i had a chance to prove to myself that somehow, i can do it. i failed but i'm not a loser. it's a stepping stone to regaining my confidence. whatever happens, MAY YOUR WILL BE DONE, O GOD.

My husband and I chatted last night so I slept late. We argued about many things which led me to jobstreet.com to look for a job. I realized that the need was urgent that I can’t put off my job application for tomorrow. I saw an opening in 2 call center companies. A part time call center position caught my eye and so I decided to pass my application in these companies, and I applied for Tech Support. The first call center I've submitted my application to was...aw...I forgot. But the other is Convergys. After that I prayed and told God for His will to be done. I told Him that if one of these companies will ever call me for an interview, it means God wants me to work. But if not, then I won’t work.

When I woke up this morning, I’ve completely forgotten what I have prayed for. Nor I was expecting a call from any of the call centers I have submitted my application to. To my surprise, around 11 am, I received a call from Convergys! I was speechless. But since the man on the line was asking me questions, I have to answer. He asked me about my personal details and why do I want to work part-time. I answered every question he asked and then told me I passed the initial recruitment process. I didn’t know it was a phone interview! I just thought the HR was just asking me questions about the validity of the entries I’ve written in my resume. If I only knew it was an interview, I should’ve answered better. Afterwards, I received an email confirming that I passed the phone interview, and other details I might have missed during the call. I’ve passed, thank God!

I need a lot of prayers and God’s guidance and intervention. Because at times I feel I can’t do it. Sometimes I lose confidence of myself. But more of me takes this as a challenge. I am excited to learn new things or at least try to do something new in my life. I am motivated to press on and hopefully succeed.

I’ve started my first step in my job application. Tomorrow I have to get up early and prepare myself for a series of interviews and exams. I am quite nervous thinking about this challenge I have to face. Perhaps this anxiety is also excitement. I’ve prepared the dress I’ll wear for tomorrow; I’ve rehearsed my supposed-to-be answers (if in case those were the questions they’ll ask). I am actually preparing myself now- emotionally, mentally and physically. I will be in Commonwealth tomorrow- a hundred miles away from home. I will miss my kids so much. I know they will be sad when I leave home but I have to do this. After all I’m doing this for them- and for myself as well.

Break a leg Happy- you can do it! :) God bless you!

if shakespeare's got "to be or not to be", i have, "to do or not to do" or more specifically, "to work or not to work".

i've been contemplating about this issue for the longest time and i haven't resolved this. until now i'm still weighing the pros and cons of the matter but i don't think it is helping me decide. my will always win.

i know very well the benefits if i work. there are times when i feel so motivated that i feel like submitting my application the earliest possible time. but when i think of the work, the stress, my kids, leaving home and all that, it makes me feel so bad. however i feel that when i work i know that it will definitely help the family. but, i know my personality- i'm easily bored doing the same things over and over everyday. see? that's why i'm having a difficulty deciding...

when i think of the money i'll earn and what i'm gonna do with it i feel driven to work. i should be thinking about it all the time so i won't lose my enthusiasm at work. but when i get bored at work- that's the problem. i also feel like i'm not ready to work. i've been stuck at home for a year already, and i'm used to being at home. waking up late, sleeping late, playing with the kids, managing the shop... and i remember. if i work and there's a problem with one of the computers, no one's gonna fix it. guess i'll just have to stay at home...

but my husband needs help making our ends meet. especially now that the kids are going to school this year. at times like this memories flashback in my mind, reminding me of the decisions i made. i regret how i lived my life. if only i thought of the consequences i should've been... aw. i hate this part right here.

i shouldn't look to the past and just press on towards the goal. yeah. i should think better now, i should make good decisions now if i wanted my life to be better. if i don't want to make the same mistakes i did. this dilemma's so complicated.

i'll just ask God for help.

STYLEBIBLE | BEAUTY GALLERIES

Posted using ShareThis

stumbled upon this site and found out what scents are in this summer season. i love collecting perfume as well, and thought of purchasing any of them to smell good this summer!

these past few days it's been raining crazy. thought it's summer time but it's raining... some people including my sister enjoyed a rainy summer but i don't. what's summer without the sun??? if it's not so sunny at all then it's not summer. though it's hot, there are times when i'd like my skin kissed by the blazing sun. after all it's recommended to get your daily dose of vitamin D and what cheaper way to get it is through the sun. i don't like staying under the sun for long. maybe 10-30 minutes will do, or more with better SPF. but since its raining, i don't want to go out. i slumber at home and do nothing. and so my youngest daughter and i took advantage of the rain and bathe.







at first my mom didn't agree with the idea of bathing in the rain. she's much concerned with her apo getting sick, but she couldn't resist my kakulitan and so she allowed us. since its raining hard, 5 minutes was enough to get us really, really wet. my daughter and i enjoyed this bonding moment. my eldest can't bathe in the rain coz she's sick- she has cough.

PAGASA stated in the news that summer rain is caused by the climate change but i don't really agree. we all know that when it's so hot, bodies of water tend to evaporate, turn to steam, goes into the clouds and condenses, hence, the rain. i think last week of february or first week of march started the summer season and i just hope its not gonna end so soon... we haven't had our summer swimming yet!

yesterday was a lot of fun . we went to sta lucia east grand mall for a day of in-law bonding. my husband's family came back to the country last month for their annual vacation. they invited us (my kids and me) to the mall to entertain the kids.

my mom woke me up at exactly 8am as i told her. but as usual, deprived of a good night's sleep i asked for my sleep extension- 'ma, 30 minutes pa'... if i only knew what's going to happen i should've stayed in bed longer. anyways, i have to get up coz my mom will start yelling at me if i won't. i heated a pail of water. my sister woke up too and she's preparing to bathe as well. and since we haven't got the chance to talk about what happened to her interview last night, we talked while i waited for the water to heat up. after 15 minutes my youngest daughter woke up- perhaps she felt that i'm not beside her anymore. i carried her all the way down the stairs and gave her a cool morning bath. after a few more minutes i woke my eldest daughter who is very similar to my attitude. she asked for a sleep extension too, but i refused to give her. we're getting late and we have to hurry. at exactly 10am we're through. i just have to do some finishing touches then i'm done. unfortunately, my in-laws haven't texted me whether the appointment is off or not. we've been waiting for 1 hour already and still there's no sign. my mom grew impatient and she started talking about what she's like. she's a woman of words and i admire her for that. when she says something, she does it on time. if there's an appointment, she's never late. when there are debts to pay, and she would say tomorrow, she will pay for it tomorrow. she told us to change because an hour of waiting seems to mean that the appointment is off. on the contrary, my in-laws have texted and told us to go! waah!

i met some of my husband's relatives that i haven't met before. i tried to be as personable as i can be. although at times i felt out-of-place, i tried to fit in. besides, i don't want to make a lousy impression!

we had lunch over at the bacolod chicken inasal and have chicken barbecue, pork barbecue and pork sisig (yum yum!). after eating we headed over to world's of fun. too bad i didn't take snaps of the gig; if i did i had to let go of my daughters' hand and they will start to run around! but i will share some pics that i took.











my kids had a great time playing at the arcade and collecting tickets while my feet sore from wedge espadrilles. i kept up with their energy- running around, riding horses and all the other rides, buying tokens... it was fun though inspite of my aching feet... and i admit i had fun with them as well. before when they used to ask me to come over at their house or come with them when they go out of town i'm always reluctant. i don't want to go when my husband is not with us. but yesterday was different. i went with them and enjoyed really.

our last stop was at planet toys- a haven of toys overwhelming my kids. their lola had them choose which toy they would want for themselves. and they started running around, grabbing any toy that caught their attention. those toys were so expensive so they had too choose another. and so after a series of walking and choosing they ended up having a big red truck for my youngest, a doodle pad for my eldest, and a singing, sliding duck for me. haha no! i received a lovely beaded necklace and earrings from my mother-in-law, while my daughters had a pair of blouse aside from the toys.









my kids and i had great time. it was raining when we got out of the mall, but it was fine. at least we're going home sweet home.

DARK ELF (MAGE)

DEKAN (DRAGON FIGHTER)

DHAN (ASSASSIN)

ELF (HEALER)

HALF-ELF (ARCHER)

HUMAN (KNIGHT)

cool, eh? before you get started make sure your pc meets these system requirements:

Windows 2000, Windows 98 SE, Windows XP SP 2 or Windows 2003 SP 2
Intel Pentium 4 2.4 GHz, AMD Sempron 2.0 GHz
512 MB or more of RAM
128 MB 3D video card like Geforce FX or Radeon 9600
6.0 GB free HD space
AC '97 compatible
DirectX 9.0c version or higher

now to the game. i've registered for the closed beta account but i haven't played much. my character is a dhan and i've reached until level 20 only. that time i was still playing another online game... anyway, now that they've opened the beta version a lot of players have been engaged to this game. before they only have 2 servers, now they've added 3 more to accomodate players. the first character i've created was a dark elf but i was dissatisfied with the skills so i changed it again to dhan. i think dhan is the best character of all. well, i'm just starting to play rohan and i'll learn more as i continue to dig it haha.

this is me

once when i was playing there was another player who approached me, invited me as friend and asked to be in his party. we had a little chit-chat while killing monsters and asked me what type of dhan my character is. i don't know what he's talking about really, and told me to choose only one stat to focus on, whether strength or agility (for dhan) and to concentrate on 3 buffs and an attack skill. i'm not sure whether to follow his instructions or not. i'll just find out for myself if what i did was wrong. he told me to change my character or it will be too late. i don't know but i like mine the way it is.

in the game, to get good items aside from buying from the item shop you can also fish for it. literally.

fishing

i know this might be another of those i'm-interested-in-doing-now but get bored with it soon. well, i'm just starting, and it's too early to say... :)

i've been kinda busy these past few days. i'm learning different things and neglected to update my blog. my random thoughts are having difficulty focusing on which "thing" of greater importance should i study first. i get too overwhelmed by the information i feed my mind and i'd like to learn everything instantaneously.

first off is basic web designing. I grew fond of this subject for i acquaint myself of the internet and social networking all the time and i've seen myself dissatisfied of cheesy or childish or "emo" type of layouts that they have on the net for free. i'd really like to make one for my own. so for the past 3 days i'm studying HTML coding and CSS. i've learned much of the pretty basic important stuff to building a website. i've tried working on a couple of trial HTML and CSS and were surprised that it wasn't difficult to do as i thought it was. it's actually fun to learn and interesting to master.

second is the historical and archaeological evidences of the Bible. reasonably, the Bible's truth is authentic. Scholars, archaeologists and people devoted to this study has bear witness of its validity. therefore, it's irrational to refute its authenticity. there may be some parts of the Bible that needs to be verified- i mean historically- but the Bible is consistent with its truth and message: the salvation of mankind. there have been evidences of how historically the Bible took place, and archaeological artifacts prove that it all happened. apparently, the study made me feel revived in my faith. i'll update this site with infos about this topic. i'll be doing a thorough research of it haha.

honestly while learning these things i realized my hunger for learning. perhaps the lack of finances leading to being a college undergrad made my brain crave for information- like an emptiness that needs to be filled. i'm interested in learning many different things, that oftentimes i cannot concentrate on learning one thing at a time. there are days when i feel like researching and studying any subject that caught my curiousity then i suddenly get bored. :) don't know why, but maybe too much learning makes jack a dull boy!

i'm not really a deep, intellectual person. it's just that i love learning that's all...

yesterday wasn't really so bad... i was surprised by my husband with an unanticipated birthday package- a dozen pink roses and a cuddly stuffed bear.






and i thought that i would be having a black and white birthday. i did, but my friends came over to celebrate with me! though all i can afford was halo- halo, we still had loads of fun :)






it was so nice having them since my day was a little gloomy. i just thought that this is life, this is all but natural and inspite of the crisis i still received a present. i guess i should learn to be content of what i have... hehe.

anyway, i thank God for the protection and blessing for the past year, and now He's given me another year to fulfill His plans and to accomplish my mission. i will try to be more focused on my goals and try not to waste my time lol. my birthday is like new year where i make resolutions and hopefully not break them. i hope to see a better me as i turn a year older- in all aspects of life. i hope to attain eventually the ambitions i have for myself and for my family. i pray for prosperity, more blessings and protection for the year ahead.

i will be a victor in life, for i believe "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

i just thought that there was something in store
only to find out that it was nothing.
i've kept my hopes up, anticipating
when all of a sudden i realized it was all just in vain.
i trusted, i believed
but you only broke your promise.
i thought that i can be assured
from the words that comes from your lips
when you seal it with your love
and secure it with faith
i grasped the words
and they were all but lies
while i gave my heart to you
you were just untrue
now no hope was left
i'm gone out frustrated.

it's a coincidence that i found this poem i've written so many years ago. it's Holy Week, and this poem i'd like to share is about Jesus. i've been a Christian for 15 years already, and i admit i still sin. but God's grace is more than the sin i commit. that doesn't mean you can continue sinning, for we have to remember that God is holy and as His children we have to be holy. God has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in our ways and to nudge us everytime we meet temptations on the way or sin as if we aren't aware. this is how i describe God's love that i pray you will experience as well. my prayer is for your life to be touched by the Hands of the Mighty God and to encounter Him in your life.

the very first poem that i've written, dated December 01, 1999. (I was a high school then) I was inspired when I wrote this, and you'll know why and to whom... well, something like that.