Enigma of the Heart

It's been a very long time (a year actually) since and a lot has happened to me. If I give account to all the days I've missed, I guess I will have to stay up for 2 days and will still have a lot of stories to tell. Well, to sum it all up, God has been so good to me. He blessed me during the past year, and He continues to amaze me!

I am not sure if I have mentioned here that I have been working in one of the easiest account in the call center there is. (I don't want to say that that is the best, because I know I am still gonna have the bestest ☺) I thought that I was gonna stay there for good, though. Until the management announced that we will only be staying until the 28 of January... I really felt bad. But I have realized that God has something better in mind... Something better than what I have now. So yesterday, I went to this company (will disclose it later. not ready to announce it now ☺) and praise God! I passed the first 2 stages of the recruitment process. And I am yet to undergo the Operations Manager interview. I don't know what to expect, but the Lord says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you". I don't have to worry.

Two weeks after-

I didn't pass. Why? I am not sure. Only one thing's for sure:

Romans 8:28 (New International Version, ©2011, Bible Gateway)

 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

God called me for a purpose, and He has a great plan for those whom He loves. I am His child, He has given His life for me; died to save me from the eternal punishment of hell. Therefore, He loves me :)

---JANUARY

A week after the New Year holiday, the whole family went through a 7 day prayer and fasting, wherein we consecrated ourselves and abstain from solid food the whole week! I didn't think I'd make it- if it weren't for God's sustenance we would have given up after the first day. We're not only thankful for God's presence, and a breakthrough in our spiritual lives; we've lost weight! (which is cool right?) And that was like a bonus from God :)

Since then, God has been doing amazing things in us, and will continue all throughout the year!

The first Sunday's preaching was about Isaiah 61, THE YEAR OF THE LORD'S FAVOR. And we declare, indeed this is the year of the Lord's favor!

it's my complacency that led to emptiness. i've been so preoccupied with things that are not of worth, instead of diligently seeking Him. and now i wonder why these things are happening, where His presence could be, what His will is for me, and many other questions that only He could answer. I'm engaged with things that i lost sight of Him. my eyes were veiled, my senses insensitive of His calls. all too often i complain with my situation but i rarely took time to pray. while i begin to ask where is He in those difficult times, i didn't notice He was there, right beside me all the time.

nevertheless, God is compassionate, merciful and faithful. He never gets angry for long, and always forgives. He is always willing to fill our hearts with His peace, love and joy. When we ask, He will answer. God is always with us. all we have to do is to go to Him. seek Him. spend time with Him. for only then we will experience His presence. only then we will be sensitive to His voice. and when we find Him, His river will come rushing toward us and drown us... at that moment, we are filled to the brim and overflowing.

i haven't blogged in a long while and i really missed sharing juicy stories of what's going on with me. haha, juicy? there've been a lot of plans, come's-and-go's, and decisions i have to make. good thing i have the Lord with me or i'm sure i'll burst. for every plan and every decision there are a lot of considerations and weighing them, justifying each of them is not at all easy. there are times when i feel more discouraged than hopeful, or perhaps i've been lingering in the thought of the impossibility that it attempts to falter my faith and think of the negative. but of course, i wouldn't let that thought stay too long inside my mind. i won't let that happen. the Holy Spirit is at work within me and my faith sticks on the promises of God and to God Himself. i believe there is nothing He can't do and that He will fulfill the purpose He has for me. God wanted to give me all the good things He planned for me just as long as i continue to trust in His will and believe in Him.

THE PLANS
1. moving to a new home- where? i don't yet. we are still praying for it. but God willing it will be next year, somewhere in Taytay or Antipolo.
2. continue college education- enroll next year in UP, or any school God is leading me to. but hopefully it will be UP.. :)
3.going back to my former church- i really, really, really have to pray for this. i'm asking God for directions and leading. can't do this without HIM. after all, i'm doing this for God's glory.

the message at church is about faith and is very timely. these past few days i've been receiving messages about faith all the time. and i know that it's really God who speaks to me through different people in different circumstances. the sermon struck me- if you want to progress and receive great things, blessings from God, then you should be willing to TAKE THE STEP OF FAITH. after all, fatih without deeds is dead. these plans are like super colossal walls vs. a minuscule me in front of it that it's hopeless to get over it, tear it down, even impervious from man-made things that are made to demolish. but I have faith. I have God. all i have to do is pray, worship Him and do what is needed to do. and with just a snap of His mighty powerful Hands, that gigantic, humongous wall will crumble in front of me, with success just behind it. and the glory is due to whom it is due- to the EVER LIVING, ALMIGHTY GOD.

faith, i can move the mountains. i can do all things through Christ. faith, standing and believing. i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Hillsong Faith (For This Cause)

Hebrews 11:6 (New International Version)

this morning at church they played this song "I Love to Love You". i wasn't familiar with the song but i got the melody quite quickly that i was able to sing along with the worship team. here it goes,

last week was rough but memorable. i remembered it was a saturday when the typhoon struck and we lost electricity. yesterday another typhoon hit the northern regions of luzon, which in a way affected metro manila. typhoon pepeng is as destructive as ondoy, only ondoy generated so much rains while pepeng produced more winds. we can sleep soundly tonight for we are far from danger. the direction and speed of typhoon pepeng changed and i hope it would leave the country ASAP.

i'm so thankful that metro manila is now recovering from the damages caused by the typhoon. one filipino virtue is resiliency- easily rebounding from any adversities. and filipinos are a bunch of happy people. not because we make fun of the situation, but we have hope in our hearts that these problems will come to pass and that a Supreme Being- God- is going to bless us.

i know that inspite of what have happened, filipinos are very optimistic- we will have a merry Christmas. to celebrate God's goodness and protection, and to thank Him for what He has done.

i've lost count as to how many days it is before Christmas. i do not want to count anymore. i'll post it tomorrow :)

oops, i did it again. i thought i was over that and assumed i'll never do it again. i was very determined to pull out those thoughts and feelings from my heart and mind but they kept haunting me. oh just when am i going to learn? c'mon, stop making the habit of saying sorry! if you're really sorry then just stop doing it!!! divert your attention to things worthwhile. and when you feel it, just ignore it! do not pay attention, ok~! grrr. and now you're sorry- again. this time i hope it's for real.

i remember a verse from the Bible,

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

pepeng is here. don't you worry because God will turn that typhoon in the opposite direction- back at sea- so it won't aggravate the pitiful situation of our fellowmen. God will protect us. and because of fear that flood levels will go up, my relatives from Pinagbuhatan who experienced flooding evacuated here at home. they might stay here until Christmas or just until the flood subsides. and i'm not in good terms with Edward. (do you really have to post that? ;-) oh well.


thank you, God for forgiving me from all my sins. but that verse doesn't give me the right to sin, just because You'll keep on forgiving me. You require me to be holy just as You are holy God. please help me to not commit sin and glorify Your Name always. protect us from harm o God, and may You reverse the direction of the typhoon so it would just stay at sea and won't continue devastating the country. thank You, Jesus.

85 days before Christmas!

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name...

was the absolute cry of my heart. i chose to praise God though we're in the midst of crisis. just last week, the business was closed because of the ISP network restoration. since then we have no other form of income. then typhoon ondoy struck. we had to accomodate our relatives who were greatly affected by the flood. our cousin with jaundice was diagnosed with viral infection and the doctor's early diagnosis was he probably has cancer. their house is still flooded as of this time. my husband is having difficulty supporting our needs because he has to pay for his bank loans. we cannot afford to send my daughter with autism to therapy because we don't have money to pay for it. this month's bills are still unpaid. i don't know how am i going to pay for them.

honestly, my heart doesn't lose hope. my faith still clings in me that i can't afford to feel hopeless. i have a powerful God who can turn these adversities into blessings. i know that God has His reasons, His purpose why He allowed us to experience suffering. i am not a hypocrite to say that i never felt fear. i tremble too. but God's love and grace overpowers that fear and it swallows it whole. we may be in the midst of suffering but my God is the God who provides. God has a plan for us. perhaps God wanted us to empty our jars so that when we are all dried up God will heavily pour His blessings that we will be filled to the brim, not having enough jars to contain it. after these sufferings i believe that God will surely bless us that we can't contain it, so much that we have to give away.

i cannot be angry with God. God is too good to be unkind. He may have allowed us to suffer but He will never forsake us. His hand will always be guiding, protecting and blessing. His heart overflowing with love, grace and mercy.

God, we may be experiencing trials now but i believe that we are more than conquerors because we have Jesus. You will never leave us nor forsake us. You have plans for us- it is to prosper us, give us hope and a future. we will hold on to You, God. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME

88 days before Christmas.

many thanks to tangle, my source of inspirational videos.

heavy rains struck the metro and its neighboring towns, 26th of September 2009, Saturday. our electricity was cut-off around 3:25 in the afternoon, and was brought back after 3 days. for 3 days we were clueless of the disaster that Typhoon Ondoy generated. we only heard rumors of the flood that reached 5-6 feet deep, and stranded people in the streets and inside their homes or on the roofs of their houses waiting to be rescued. it was tragic, and it was the first time i have ever experienced that kind of calamity.

we were still fortunate though, that we live on a higher area of Cainta, where we rarely experience flooding. but for those living in the low lands, they have been greatly affected by the floods. 27 September at 4:00 am, the electricity in a village behind our house was restored. of course we envy them every time we look out of our window and see our neighbor have electricity.

inspite of that we're still very thankful to God that somehow we still have money to buy food. and that time i was expecting remittance from my husband in Dubai. we went out, 4:30 in the afternoon and saw muddy roads and bushes that fell from trees. just then have i realized the aftermath of the calamity. we went to a market 3 blocks away from the village, and saw that a fast food is closed. i brought along our drained cellphones to be charged in a convenience store in that area and saw that it was broken. there was a shortage of candles. there were limited crops in the market and so i realized how terrible the situation was.

28th of September we went out to withdraw money from a mall. hordes of people were shopping that time and bought a lot of supplies that stocks ran out. candles, canned goods, bread even poultry and meat products. people were panic buying for the fear of running out basic supplies. but if there is no electricity, where in the world are you going to keep fresh produce so it won't spoil? good news is that the floods subsided, and the roads passable even by small vehicles.

only today, 29 September, at 11:30 am was the electricity restored in the village and everything went back to normal. i browsed the internet to see news of the typhoon and was grief-stricken to what my fellowmen suffered. what they have gone through was worse than ours. their appliances, electronic gadgets were broken; their clothes dirty; their houses muddy inside out. at least we were just cut off-of electricity and internet and telephone. i thank God for protecting us and for sparing us from the calamity. i just wouldn't know what i would do if i were in their situation, considering my special daughter and my old mother. and i don't know how to swim! i don't know what i would do...

my aunt asked for help because flood reached inside their house. they said that it would take 2 months before the flood would completely subside- not just in their area but to those who are greatly affected by the flood as well. so my cousin and her 4 month old baby girl would be here with us until everything is ok.

i've seen people showing their concern for our situation that they are offering monetary support. we're not really asking that from them but if their hearts tell them to help us then it would be greatly appreciated. actually, the mere act of concern is enough to touch my heart to let me know that i am not alone.

i know this is just but one part of life one has to go through. and when one has overcame the trials he will be so much blessed. as long as you pray and believe that you already have what you've prayed for then consider it done. in this kind of situation it only takes faith and prayer, and a hopeful heart.

thank You God for Your grace. thank You for Your love that endures forever. thank You God, thank You Jesus for everything. I love You, Lord. thank You so much.

89 days before Christmas!

this morning, i was so thankful that God healed me. i praised and thanked Him in my prayer. i seek for Him during my morning quiet time. and i found the promises from God's word which i can trust. i wanted my life to live for God's glory and the Spirit revealed to me through God's word how i could live a life glorifying to God. if i want to know the perfect will of God for my life, i should be transformed and renewed. i shouldn't conform my self any longer to the patterns of this world. According to

Romans 12:2

           Do not conform yourself any longer to the pattern of this world , but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

that ain't easy to do. but by the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, i know that i can do it. if i have to renew my mind then i have to censor my thoughts. any thought that is not aligned with God's words should be pulled down, and thrown away. that is actually one of the keys to a victorious Christian life- to have our minds renewed and transformed by Jesus then everything we do is in obedience to God. when you become obedient to God, definitely the blessings will follow. i quoted and memorized this verse so that i could have a weapon.

2 Corinthians 10:5

            We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we make captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

our minds is the battlefield. everytime we think of something, especially if it is not good, then we're already engaging in a battle. we shouldn't dwell on that thought for too long, or else we will be imagining things within what we thought. when we start imagining we think of the steps that we're going to take just to do what we thought of. and when we let our thought and imagination linger on our minds, we take action. why? because that imagination became a stronghold and starts controlling our life. that is conforming to the world. we have to censor our thoughts. throw down negative thoughts and rebuke it in the name of Jesus. replace it with God's words that has power. we should be controlled by God, and not by our thoughts. our thoughts should always be according to God's word and the perfect will of God. that should be our stronghold- God's words. when we have fully relied on God's word, we will truly be victorious in every aspect of life. trials may come but that wouldn't tear you apart and break you to pieces. because God's word and His promises are our foundation, we're sure to be blessed even in our trials and sufferings. we just have to learn to censor our thoughts and

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

God bless us all!

90 days left before Christmas! exactly 3 months before Christmas day. oooh, so exciting! :)

i guess i wanted something new in my life- or at least try out something new. i wanted to try belly dancing. this morning i am perked up to try out the dance exercise but everyone at home woke up early as i did. ashamed of being seen dancing, i postponed my dance exercise till tomorrow.

this morning i have felt something in my chest. a piercing sensation but it suddenly goes away. then comes back, then goes away. it kinda bothered me, so i prayed for it. actually, i felt it since last night. so since last night i started praying for it. and every time i feel it, i pray. i claimed in Jesus Name that i am healed, by His stripes i am definitely healed. even if it continues to bother me, i know i am healed. i have entrusted to God my whole health, and even the health of my family. if He has healed sick people long before i was born, i know that He will do the same with me.

i have this book entitled Hung by the Tongue by Francis Martin, and it is filled with God's promises we can rely on to our daily lives. Pastor Martin shared in his book that success is ours if we speak it. we can claim God's promises if we believe by faith. fear will prevent us from speaking victory. it will deter our faith. if we believe in our hearts that Jesus healed us, then we speak it by faith, God will surely heal us. it is very timely that i received his message, for i am experiencing a physical malady. like the personal experience of Pastor Martin, i too have entrusted to God my health. i told God that i believe in Him that He alone can heal me, even if i don't go to the doctor. He is our Great Physician and by Jesus stripes we were healed. fear has seeped in my heart too. but i rebuked it and claimed God's healing. i know i am healed. i praise and thank Jesus for healing me. now i have my own testimony to share- of how God's power healed me.

truth is i'm still experiencing that as of this writing. but i exercise my faith, i believe in God. and when He said that i am healed, i know i am healed.

Mark 11:24
      Whatsoever things you desire, when you pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them.

91 days before Christmas!

*thank You Jesus for healing me.

i will detail the events that occurred to me during the day. (so as i won't miss a thing! *wink*)
this morning, my plan was to accompany rizia just around the block to wait for her school service. i told her that i wouldn't come with her to school and will just wait for her till she arrives. she told me to come with her. i explained my plan but being a kid, what she wanted was her wish to be granted. but the school service's driver went home to fetch rizia which left my little girl with no choice. she left home waving goodbye and saying, "bye mommy!" we were laughing while the driver held her hand and walked away. i felt sad for my daughter but she'll get used to it eventually. that's one Filipino trait we cannot let go- affection and so much love for our children that it seems like we don't want them to grow up, or parents want to be just beside their children all the time- we just can't let go. as much as i want them to be independent, sometimes i feel like they're just not ready yet. but i have to learn the art of letting go- i mean for the good, so that they'll learn.

as my sister and i sent shareign to her school, the weather was so intensely hot and humid. dark clouds seem to gather overhead, but the sun was still shining bright. we're bound to eastwood and travelled a series of tricycle rides. i didn't know that there's a way heading to cubao from gate 5 pasig. only today did i discover, hahaha. i accompanied bevs to her former company for clearance. we didn't stayed there long. but while we were there, the rain was so strong as if it's signal no. 2. we are still to fetch shareign from school. and while we're travelling back, we were confronted by the strong rains- which fashioned us a wet look: wet jeans, wet shoes, wet shirt, wet bags and wet hair. good thing the rain stopped as we got to shareign's school.

we headed to the mall 3 blocks from mariam. my sister and i bought flip- flops and shorts and changed our wet attire. before we went home we ate at kfc and relished pasta bowl, big bucket of fries and juicy chicken. what a sure fire to a bad weather.

what an experience. i would want to do it again- only at home. thank God we're ok :)

there are a lot of happenings this past week. first, my daughter's been schooling. as a hands-on mom i wake up in the morning to prepare their breakfast and baon, send them to school and fetch them after classes. as i've told in my previous posts, i'm getting really tired but this weekend is just a blessing. of course, no classes!

last friday my sister brought home a bad news. she was terminated from sitel because of poor performance and tardiness. my sister was saddened about the announcement. that was the first job she liked in her whole working life, and the only job she enjoyed doing. that was the only job she felt she was happy doing that she never dragged her feet going to work. too bad it wasn't meant for her. she felt she was sabotaged by indifferent superiors so she was terminated. but my sister's resilient. she bounced back after that incident. she realized that God is teaching her something and that there is certainly a purpose why God didn't want her to continue working there. the reason why, i don't know, but God will reveal it in time.

last wednesday or thursday ( i can't really remember the exact day) i received a letter from PLDT and Telus. the pldt letter is for me, about my default payment arrangement. truth is i forgot about it, and wasn't able to pay for it. so they sent me a letter. but now it's settled. :) from Telus is for my sister, stating that she has to report back for work after an AWOL (my sister always does that *wink*).  it as a month already since she AWOLled from job but it was a coincidence that they sent a letter because she was about to be terminated from work. unfortunately though, the letter was so super delayed that they have closed her profile in the company and can't go back to work- unless she re-apply. wala rin, ganun din. hehehe.

another bad news surprised us: my cousin who is pregnant and married is now abandoned by her husband leaving her for another woman. that cousin of ours is our closest cousin- she was like a sister to me. i was shocked when she sent me a message in my friendster about it. my sister called her up immediately to find out if it's true, and indeed it is. i feel so bad for her. i think men like his husband should be put to jail. at least be put to jail rather than be killed. let's just say whatever is the worse- i just won't say it.

she has to sue him for infidelity- only if she have in hand an evidence to prove it. but i think she has to pursue suing him. if i were her i'd not want to have anything to do with him and her family. i'll take responsibility of raising the child without the father. i'd rather think of him as dead or not existing at all. even if his family would ask to see our son i'd fight for my right as a mother neglected by their son who doesn't care at all. i hate guys like that.

and also last friday, my daughter wasn't able to go to school because her school service didn't fetch her up. i'd definitely tell the principal about this matter. they should know that it will be hard for my daughter to travel! the reason why we sent her there to study is because of the tuition fee! and a service from school is equivalent to money because i will be paying for it! i just want convenience for my daughter. they should've told me if they are not going to fetch her so we'll be looking for someone else! grrrr...

while i was looking for my daughters' birth certificates, i found my CAP certificate of scholarship. it was a scholarship certificate transferred to me by my husband since he's busy working. he has given me that so i can continue my studies. unfortunately it didn't push through, so the certificate was like useless over the years. now that i found it i'd like to pursue my college education again. how i wish it's God's plan.

i think i've already mentioned in my previous post that we already found a helper at home. better so that she could do the things i don't want to do- cleaning the house, washing the dishes and all the other chores. hehehe. but she's leaving for work as early as now (she just came in last week and now she's asking for a vacation). valid reason: she has to take her baby girl back to the province. the baby is hindering her from working. several times she can't finish her job on time because the baby is crying and is looking for her. there are times that she can't clean our room because she has to leave early. she even forgot to iron my daughter's uniform! grrr... very emotional week.

but above it all, i'm thankful for God's grace, we're still alive. God is so good! Thank you, Lord!

be updating again if i'm not busy. so long, maties!

i anticipate a busy, tiring day tomorrow. tomorrow i will enroll my youngest daughter in school, then in the afternoon accompany my eldest daughter to her school. i've been very busy these past few days and i was a little stressed out. the things that perk me up inspite of my exhaustion are the blessings of God, when my kids smile, kiss and hug me, going to the mall and laying on the bed. but overall, i need some rest- and a good massage :)

i ran out of words to say- perhaps of fatigue. i'll just sleep and everything's ok again!

before i end up, i recall a verse from the Bible:

Isaiah 40:29-31 (New International Version)

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

i have hope in the Almighty God and tomorrow i will regain my strength, ha! :)
 
Praise to God forever and ever!

at last, after a year of bumming, my daughter is now back in school. it has been because of our financial difficulties that hindered her to continue schooling. God has given us a surprise blessing this month, and that was an answered prayer! supporting a special child is difficult- the tuition fee and the therapies are expensive. it's no problem when you're well- off. but with God all things are possible! now we were able to send her to school.

i enrolled her this afternoon at MARIAM CLAIRE INTEGRATED SCHOOL. it was really exciting for her and for me. but it was hard for shareign to be separated from me even for a while especially when she's with a stranger. the teacher told me that as soon as she gets distracted, i'll leave her inside the classroom. 2 mins later i left her inside and waited in the school lobby.

i whiled my time away by reading the Bible from my ipod and listening to my playlist. the first song it played was WITH YOU by mark willard from the movie facing the giants. as i listened to it my eyes were brimming with tears.... i was so deeply touched by the song.

Mark Willard

With You

Verse 1:

You have been so good to me
How can I find the words to thank You?
Healer of broken hearts and broken dreams
Lord, I will never cease to praise You.

Chorus:

With You, all things are possible.
Like an eagle I can soar.
With You the giants fall
They rise no more.
With You I overcome when fear and faith collide.
There’s nothing I can’t do
Anything is possible with You.

Verse 2:

I am constantly amazed
You are a God forever faithful.
As I look back on my history of grace,
how could I be anything but grateful?

Verse 3:

No mountain is too high, there’s no valley that’s too deep
You’re calling me to walk by faith so I will take a
Leap...take a
Leap

Anything, anything is possible with You
With You
It’s possible with You.

the song is true to what i experience with God. there isn't anything that's impossible with God- even my daughter's situation. i've been praying for her since i am pregnant with her and until now. and with her condition she needs more prayers than before.

after the assessment, her teacher spoke to me about shareign's condition. she told me that she did well. she behaved while in class, attentive and focused. it was a surprise to know that she behaved because i know that she tends to be easily bored with the things she do and can't keep her focus. the teacher told me that if her development progresses, she will then be transferred to regular school specifically, nursery class. it was an answered prayer! i can't keep this to myself, i wanted to share to everyone how God has been so faithful and generous and merciful to me and my family. God has granted the desires of my heart, answered my every prayer and more. indeed, God is so good!

when we talked about the school fees, i was more amazed. while we were travelling to school i prayed that her tuition fee will not be more than 6000 pesos. God has answered my prayer. her monthly tuition fee is only 3500 pesos! God is so good!

i can't stop thanking God everytime i think of his blessings in my life. as a matter of fact i try not to do bad in the sight of God because it will hinder the continuous flow of blessings in my life. i guess it's just one of the ways how God nudges me to continue my steady walk with Him, and not give in to what the world has to offer.

God is just so amazing.

i'm just starting to like blogging when i didn't have a choice but to be in hiatus for a while. now that i'm back, (not for long) i am brimming with stories to tell.

if i'm not mistaken, i guess it has been 3 weeks to 1 month since my mom got sick. i had to perform her duties as she relieved from her job (job..hehe!) i had to do the dishes, the cooking, everything but the laundry. most importantly, i had to manage the shop.  i do not complain or anything. i love the fact that i'm always busy, it keeps my adrenaline pumping. it's just tiring though. while i took her place i missed the things i was doing- sleeping foremost, then surfing the net and playing games. including blogging and plurk. it's a good thing i was whiled away from the computer- at least i don't plurk anymore. as if my world revolved around it that as i woke in the morning and before sleeping at night, going to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth i have to plurk. i am free! wahehehe!

my mom's doing fine now, better than the past few weeks. she can do some chores now without complaining of dizziness. at least i have help in doing tasks at home. she's currently taking medications and thank God she's getting better everyday.

i'm not sure if i mentioned here that we're experiencing financial difficulty. i do not want to elaborate, that thing i want to keep private. but ever since we started to face this problem, we see God's hand all throughout every hopeless situation we face. my husband is the most affected by this bad situation. he is in Dubai and there, the cost of living is high as in above sea level. i asked him how his salary provides his needs. he was amazed of how God is working in his life. the remainder from his salary is not more than a hundred dirhams but it can get him through one month! some things we thought are impossible are really possible for God. i don't how God does that... it makes wonders!

he owes the bank four hundred and fifty dirhams. he actually didn't know how to produce that money or where in the world he would get it. it's in hopeless situations where God displays his awesome power. he was so desperate to pay the bank so he asked for my help. i sent him 5000 pesos but that wasn't enough to pay the bank. he added the last money he has left, his allowance for this whole month. still wasn't enough. he has to look for 20 dirhams more. in that moment he prayed, took a step of faith and went to the atm machine to withdraw money. he remembered he only has 7 dhs left in his account. but without checking his balance he just pressed withdraw-100. he was amazed at the power of God.  the atm screen read, "thank you. you may now take your cash and your card." cash? he still had a hundred dhs left in his account and it was so much more enough to pay the bank and his allowance for the whole month! he was blown away he wanted to cry. tears welled up in his eyes, his body shaking from joy and awe. we know God is a God of wonders, of impossibilities, of might and power but you'll never know how it's like till you experience it!

we have abandoned the land we own somewhere in Pasig. we didn't have any plan for it at all. the only plan we have is to sell it.

it's been more than 10 years since we've acquired that land. it was my mom and dad's investment. unfortunately we cannot afford to pay the monthly dues and even attempt to build even just a small house on it. so what we wanted was to just sell it. we've been preoccupied with many many things that we didn't remember about it at all. since there are no direct buyers, we just left the negotiations in the hands of the members of the association. it was one answered prayer too. a prayer that we never thought would be answered so soon. i mean we've been praying for it for a long time but since we haven't realized about it we thought well, perhaps God will answer it some time. we're in the brink of the financial struggle when we received this blessing- a prospect buyer asks how much we are selling the property! and know what, after a week we already received the payment and processed the documents. it was like, wow, God you're so amazing!

we were able to pay everyone we owe, and the bills, and everything else we need to pay. God's blessings are so timely. just as we were about to give up, just as we were about to lose hope, God's there. He hears the cry of a hopeless, desperate soul who just gives his heart and soul to trust the almighty God. he never fails his people who trusts him. when someone loses someone to hold, God's hand is there, His grip tight to never let you fall. God, all praises to You! Thank You Lord!

Reminds me of a song from Brenton Brown:

God has been teaching me a lot of things lately and made me realize their importance. we're going through difficult times now but i believe God is moving. He's going to show His might and power over these struggles we're going through. i realized how sin damages the life of an individual, and how it causes trials in life. the very reason I can't blame God for our afflictions. it's unfair for a God who has our best interests at heart to be questioned and shouted at just because we're facing adversities... when in fact we're to blame. all God wanted was our happiness. He lets us choose which path we want to take. when we stumble because of wrong decisions, He's still there to lift us up and mend our pieces together.

i believe everything happens for a reason. He has planned something for us and it's His will that's happening in our lives. when we choose our paths or our decisions, His will is to allow us to take that certain path or make that certain decision. if we fail, He has a reason: to teach us to listen to Him, acknowledge His presence in our life and seek His help and to learn from the actions we made. He wanted me to depend on Him in everything. the truth is He never gets tired of listening to me...

i have faith that God is going to bless us abundantly- in every aspect of life- just as long as I trust in Him and seek Him first before everything.

when something happens in my life, it's not just about me. it's about God. it's about His marvelous plan for my life.

it's a coincidence that i found this poem i've written so many years ago. it's Holy Week, and this poem i'd like to share is about Jesus. i've been a Christian for 15 years already, and i admit i still sin. but God's grace is more than the sin i commit. that doesn't mean you can continue sinning, for we have to remember that God is holy and as His children we have to be holy. God has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in our ways and to nudge us everytime we meet temptations on the way or sin as if we aren't aware. this is how i describe God's love that i pray you will experience as well. my prayer is for your life to be touched by the Hands of the Mighty God and to encounter Him in your life.