You know what happened yesterday? I wasn't able to make it to work. My husband Edward just told me not to go to work. He didn't agree in the first place. He wanted me to work, yes, but he doesn't want me to work with that kind of schedule. And I don't know if it was like an answered prayer. Haha. I was crying and I was telling God how heavy my feeling was. I don't know if it's good or not- and since this is the choice I made, I just got to trust Him. At least I have learned to listen to Edward, and submit to his decision. (Which is not really me, but I love God and so follow Him..)

UpWords - Week of Jan. 28 - Feb. 3

everytime dumadami ang kain ko lalo na sa gabi sumasakit ang tiyan ko sa umaga. nagigising talaga ko ng maaga dahil sa sakit. pero hindi naman ako kaagad nau-uu. masakit lang talaga sya. 3 times ko palang nae-experience yun sa buong buhay ko- pangatlo kanina.

yung first time nun di ko na masyadong naalala pero isa lang ang culprit- yung katakawan ko. i confess. sadyang malapit lang talaga sa puso ko ang pagkain at mahilig talaga ako kumain. lalo na ng vegetables. sobrang mahilig ako sa vegetables. kaya lang dahil nga hindi ko macontrol yung sarili ko sa pagkain ganun tuloy nangyayari. natatawa sila sa ken... ang siba ko nga naman kasi. pero nasasaktan naman ako- sa sakit ng tiyan ko.

yung second time ganun pa rin. kaya nga sinasabi ko na hindi na talaga ko kakain ng marami. never again.

eh kagabi, ang ulam namin sinigang na hipon. tapos yung tuyo na binili namin ang sarap nya. hindi sya talaga lasang tuyo. para syang smoked kaya ginanahan talaga ko kumain. nung afternoon nag greenwich pa kami. inorder ko para sa kin lasagna. solved na sana ko dun. kaso naman yung anak ko di naubos yung pizza nya, ako pa kumain. eh di nasobrahan tuloy ako. kaninang umaga sakit talaga ng tiyan ko. ayan kasi, ang siba eh.
dahil tuloy dun di nakapasok mga anak ko sa school. hay.

ayoko na nga sabihin na hindi na talaga ko kakain ng marami, promise. hindi ko na sinabi yun kanina. ang hirap kasi tuparin. basta ita- try ko na lang yung best ko na icontrol yung kain ko. good luck na lang sa ken.

kahapon pala sa greenwich nung sine-serve na yung order naming drinks, may customer na naka sanggi dun sa waiter. natapunan tuloy mama ko ng pineapple juice. di man lang nagsorry yung customer! grabe yun. buti na lang mabait yung crew saka managers ng greenwich sta. lucia. binigyan kami ng maraming tissue at towel pang sapin sa likod ni mama. bahala na ang Diyos sa customer na yun. walang modo. at sa mga staff ng greenwich sta. lucia, maraming salamat po, mabuhay po kayo!

if shakespeare's got "to be or not to be", i have, "to do or not to do" or more specifically, "to work or not to work".

i've been contemplating about this issue for the longest time and i haven't resolved this. until now i'm still weighing the pros and cons of the matter but i don't think it is helping me decide. my will always win.

i know very well the benefits if i work. there are times when i feel so motivated that i feel like submitting my application the earliest possible time. but when i think of the work, the stress, my kids, leaving home and all that, it makes me feel so bad. however i feel that when i work i know that it will definitely help the family. but, i know my personality- i'm easily bored doing the same things over and over everyday. see? that's why i'm having a difficulty deciding...

when i think of the money i'll earn and what i'm gonna do with it i feel driven to work. i should be thinking about it all the time so i won't lose my enthusiasm at work. but when i get bored at work- that's the problem. i also feel like i'm not ready to work. i've been stuck at home for a year already, and i'm used to being at home. waking up late, sleeping late, playing with the kids, managing the shop... and i remember. if i work and there's a problem with one of the computers, no one's gonna fix it. guess i'll just have to stay at home...

but my husband needs help making our ends meet. especially now that the kids are going to school this year. at times like this memories flashback in my mind, reminding me of the decisions i made. i regret how i lived my life. if only i thought of the consequences i should've been... aw. i hate this part right here.

i shouldn't look to the past and just press on towards the goal. yeah. i should think better now, i should make good decisions now if i wanted my life to be better. if i don't want to make the same mistakes i did. this dilemma's so complicated.

i'll just ask God for help.