Enigma of the Heart

last night, around 9:30 pm we experienced black out. we were wondering why that happened, when there is no typhoon, no rains nor winds. it lasted for 3 hours. as soon as the lights got up i turned on the TV for the news about the black out but i tuned in late. so in the news this morning, reporters said it was a transformer which caught fire, or exploded or got broken or something. and due to that, blackouts will be by turns- quezon city, marikina, pasig and rizal. and that outtage will last for 6 hours. we're included in the black out (coz we live in rizal) and this morning, blackout started 11:30 am until 2:30. we had electricity for only 3 hours and it striked again. from 5:30pm until 8:00pm. i am afraid that the black out will be up again, we're nearing the 3 hour mark and it will be blackout time again. hopefully that transformer will be fixed soon so we wo'nt be having power outage. i think the electric company wants our appliances to be broken. imagine what they are doing?  it's like earth hour every 3 hours. grrr. >.<

it's 78 days before Christmas. i remembered that when i watched SiS.

on my previous blog i have said that we fired our house helper and so i have to do the things she has been doing. i did that today.

i don't wake up early because i hate waking up early. i'm not really a night person but i just feel that the hours of the day is not enough, so i have to stay awake late at night to finish everything else. i have also said that my sister's been in front of the computer all day and so i've got no chance to use it during the day. my only chance is at night when she goes to bed. i woke up early today, 7am. i felt so weak because i slept for only 5 hours and my body is not used to that. i mean it's enough if i sleep at least 5 hours but it's a hassle to wake up early. i have to prepare for my kids' breakfast because they're going to school. i cooked, i cleaned the house, washed the dishes, did the laundry, scrubbed dirty shoes and the walls too, reformatted the computer and a lot more. imagine doing that in just one day? i probably am a wonder woman- in my own right i mean.

it was an answered prayer that our house helper talked herself to sending and fetching the kids to school. she apologized and so i accepted her and gave her a second chance. after all we were impressed by her performance and how she treated the kids like she was their mother. she was very caring with the kids and loving. that's what's important to us- especially that she has accepted the case of my special daughter. she treated her with special care and understands her. so we decided to accept her back.

that's all for today. got to go to bed and rest rest rest. God bless us all.

wow! i can't believe i have reached my 50th post! this is a milestone... hehe :)

i've always wanted to write a diary even when i was younger but after 2- 3 posts i neglect it. i get bored writing so i just gave up. and now that i've reached my 50th post goes to show that i am taking this blogging rather seriously- or not really. but now it has become my habit  to blog before i go to sleep. while playing facebook, i am already thinking of what to share. and honestly, i don't really know! ;)

i guess 2-3 weeks more and Survivor Philippines season 2 will wave goodbye. tomorrow's episode will be the merge, from 2 tribes they will unite as one and be called Sonsorol. i just love the blooming romance of Jef and Marvin. i'm so kilig!!! i witnessed the castaways' character in the game- some of them i loved, and some of them i hated. but overall, Survivor Philippines is the best!!!

when i was in high school i really really loved the music and songs of The Corrs. now that i've found karaoke of their songs i can sing to it and have fun.

2 days ago, in an interview with Isabel Oli in Startalk, a tag is written, "Isabel Oli Storycon, Full House" and i was like, wow! yehey!!! i admire her and she's my bet to playing the role of Lorraine in Full House. wow.

i asked Edward to buy me a laptop. when my sister's not at work i can't open my facebook because she's sitting in front of the computer all day. i hope that he will surprise me on Christmas day with a laptop!!!

i have realized the importance of my blogging. when i get old and want to look back on events that happened in my life, i'll have something to look to and read. and my children are gonna read this, and my grandchildren and great grandchildren. if you're reading this, i just want to tell you,

GOD BLESS YOU! I LOVE YOU ALL!

after 2 months of not attending church, at last, i was able to attend this afternoon. i missed our church- victory Christian fellowship. we were there not just to attend service and hear the message of the Lord but we came there to worship God through songs, fellowship and message.

after church we went to mcdo for a grub. my kids missed going to the mall too. and their faces were painted with excitement as we ride up the escalator.

i really wish for a videoke because i really really wanted to sing. so i tuned in to youtube and sang my heart out. there are karaoke videos there so i really enjoyed singing to them. :)

we were having problems with our house help. the whole day yesterday she went out but she never texted when she will be back; so i assumed that she’s not interested of going back here anymore. there were a lot of things that happened and so we’ve decided to just fire her.

i admit it will be very difficult for me to do the things she’s doing. but with God’s help, i know that i can make it.

i am really very sleepy now. i wanted to share some more but my eyes are getting heavy…i wanted to lie down and rest. nyt nyt everyone, God bless us all.

last week was rough but memorable. i remembered it was a saturday when the typhoon struck and we lost electricity. yesterday another typhoon hit the northern regions of luzon, which in a way affected metro manila. typhoon pepeng is as destructive as ondoy, only ondoy generated so much rains while pepeng produced more winds. we can sleep soundly tonight for we are far from danger. the direction and speed of typhoon pepeng changed and i hope it would leave the country ASAP.

i'm so thankful that metro manila is now recovering from the damages caused by the typhoon. one filipino virtue is resiliency- easily rebounding from any adversities. and filipinos are a bunch of happy people. not because we make fun of the situation, but we have hope in our hearts that these problems will come to pass and that a Supreme Being- God- is going to bless us.

i know that inspite of what have happened, filipinos are very optimistic- we will have a merry Christmas. to celebrate God's goodness and protection, and to thank Him for what He has done.

i've lost count as to how many days it is before Christmas. i do not want to count anymore. i'll post it tomorrow :)

oops, i did it again. i thought i was over that and assumed i'll never do it again. i was very determined to pull out those thoughts and feelings from my heart and mind but they kept haunting me. oh just when am i going to learn? c'mon, stop making the habit of saying sorry! if you're really sorry then just stop doing it!!! divert your attention to things worthwhile. and when you feel it, just ignore it! do not pay attention, ok~! grrr. and now you're sorry- again. this time i hope it's for real.

i remember a verse from the Bible,

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

pepeng is here. don't you worry because God will turn that typhoon in the opposite direction- back at sea- so it won't aggravate the pitiful situation of our fellowmen. God will protect us. and because of fear that flood levels will go up, my relatives from Pinagbuhatan who experienced flooding evacuated here at home. they might stay here until Christmas or just until the flood subsides. and i'm not in good terms with Edward. (do you really have to post that? ;-) oh well.


thank you, God for forgiving me from all my sins. but that verse doesn't give me the right to sin, just because You'll keep on forgiving me. You require me to be holy just as You are holy God. please help me to not commit sin and glorify Your Name always. protect us from harm o God, and may You reverse the direction of the typhoon so it would just stay at sea and won't continue devastating the country. thank You, Jesus.

85 days before Christmas!

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name...

was the absolute cry of my heart. i chose to praise God though we're in the midst of crisis. just last week, the business was closed because of the ISP network restoration. since then we have no other form of income. then typhoon ondoy struck. we had to accomodate our relatives who were greatly affected by the flood. our cousin with jaundice was diagnosed with viral infection and the doctor's early diagnosis was he probably has cancer. their house is still flooded as of this time. my husband is having difficulty supporting our needs because he has to pay for his bank loans. we cannot afford to send my daughter with autism to therapy because we don't have money to pay for it. this month's bills are still unpaid. i don't know how am i going to pay for them.

honestly, my heart doesn't lose hope. my faith still clings in me that i can't afford to feel hopeless. i have a powerful God who can turn these adversities into blessings. i know that God has His reasons, His purpose why He allowed us to experience suffering. i am not a hypocrite to say that i never felt fear. i tremble too. but God's love and grace overpowers that fear and it swallows it whole. we may be in the midst of suffering but my God is the God who provides. God has a plan for us. perhaps God wanted us to empty our jars so that when we are all dried up God will heavily pour His blessings that we will be filled to the brim, not having enough jars to contain it. after these sufferings i believe that God will surely bless us that we can't contain it, so much that we have to give away.

i cannot be angry with God. God is too good to be unkind. He may have allowed us to suffer but He will never forsake us. His hand will always be guiding, protecting and blessing. His heart overflowing with love, grace and mercy.

God, we may be experiencing trials now but i believe that we are more than conquerors because we have Jesus. You will never leave us nor forsake us. You have plans for us- it is to prosper us, give us hope and a future. we will hold on to You, God. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME

88 days before Christmas.

many thanks to tangle, my source of inspirational videos.