sentiments

i realized that a person should really contemplate before making a decision. coz in the end, you will be responsible for it. or worse, you might end up regretting you ever made that decision.

there are things in life we cannot turn back. opportunities, time, and decisions. when you didn't grab the opportunity, or because of work you weren't able to attend your daughter's graduation, or when you made that decision of being with someone- giving your all to him and you wake up one morning realizing you're pregnant- and you're not ready.

i've  made a lot of wrong decisions in my life and honestly, i regretted all of them. and there were moments i wished i shouldn't have done them. i suffered the consequences from those decisions and they weren't easy. some consequences left me humiliated, and it was because of poor decisions. but i admit, my experiences have taught me a lot of lessons in life, love and relationships. i'm still learning though, but at least some sufferings have built my character. just like what is said in Romans 5:3-4 NIV Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

During those times i really felt alone. i felt like God punished me because of my wrong decisions. i felt God doesn't love me anymore. i cried a lot and was drowned by my tears everynight. especially when i can't bear the humiliation and what other people might be saying about me. there were times when i felt guilty of my sins and was ashamed to come before God. i remembered a verse from the Bible (and i know during my time of brokenness and desperation, the Holy Spirit is speaking to me)
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
i asked for God's forgiveness and confessed my sins to Him,and just then, i was immersed in God's love and mercy. He removed my guilt and sin. He reminded me of His promises.

Hebrews 12:6 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. that's when i realized His great love for me. He wanted me to learn a lesson from the wrong decision i made. if He doesn't love me then He would have let me continue sinning, and die and be in hell. but because of His love he had to punish me. and i learned my lesson.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
this verse strengthened me and made me realize that God has a plan for me. though this happened to me, His plan is to prosper me. His plan is to give me hope and a future. though i'm battling with the consequences of my sin, this became my "energy drink". that's why i'm still here- alive and standing.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
God has called me. and there is a purpose why He let these things happen to me. from then on i realized that He is going to use me and my experiences so that others will learn from me. and that God will be glorified in my life and through my life.

looking back, i still wished i didn't make those decisions though it has taught me a very important lesson in life. things might be different if i just made good decisions. i don't know if i would be better or what. i still regret them everytime i remember them but i have given it all to God- i've surrendered everything to Him. my shattered dreams, my broken hearts, unfulfilled wishes.... everything. and as i mature in life, i realized that God gave me the best. although this was the consequence of a wrong decision, He turned this into a blessing. at the end of the day, after all what happened, the credit goes to the One and Only- Lover of My Soul, my Savior, my Bestest friend, my Counselor, my King, my First Love, the Creator of the Universe- my God.

i love You God. thank You for giving Your Son Jesus so that I may live. thank You Jesus, because You gave me Your Spirit, to guide me and teach me. all glory and power, praises and thanksgiving be Yours, forever and ever!