this is a secret. ssshhh.

last night i was making a 2nd facebook account and decided to change my name, status and all. i'm out looking for my high school school mates and my high school crushes too. luckily, i found my high school crush- JC. i won't be mentioning his real name, he might have an idea of who i am. or not really. but he's still as handsome as before- grabe nakakakilig pa rin. his looks just matured and i found out that he's got a baby... but i guess the girl left him or he left the girl... i don't know. i didn't feel like, oh good, because first and foremost i am happily married and lastly, he never had any feelings for me. he didn't even know my name, or he hardly ever knew me at all. i don't care about him really, it's just that seeing him makes me relive my high school memories. i sure wish he would feel the same though. joke.
there's this one guy who has been my crush since he started attending in our church. his initials PYS. tall and cute, a foreigner but speaks tagalog well. their family has lived here for 15 years i think and since then he considers himself a filipino- though he's not from here. he's got a pretty girlfriend who is simply irreplaceable. during the times he's here we became very close, and we became very good friends. i never assumed that he liked me whenever he treated me nicely or whenever he sits beside me and talk. though he never did that to anyone but me. i never gave meaning to his glances and smiles though there is something in me that makes me want to like him. both of us are aware that we have current relationships and we're both Christians. that deterred my feelings for him. i love my husband so much. i stopped texting him since he left the church, for there is no reason for me why i have to text. i don't want him to think that i must have feelings for him or something. the last time we saw each other was when he visited me last year. and i saw his account on fb. my 2nd account didn't request connection with him. i don't want him to realize that i was like looking for him. i sound so defensive, right? i guess this is my way of fighting the feeling i had for him. it isn't completely gone but i am trying to avoid anything that would revive that something. past is past. i was never meant for him in the first place. and him for me.
i will treasure all these and these will remain a mystery forever. i just hope they will never read this and realize who i am. and most of all, i hope that no one- not even my friends or relatives and most especially my husband- would ever read this post. haha. why do i have to write it if i don't want to share this? weird.

96 days left till Christmas!