Enigma of the Heart

i haven't been going to church for a month already, and of course i miss the fellowship. i'm attending Victory Christian Fellowship in Metro East and i miss the sevice. it has been 6 months since i left my former church- for some reasons i won't say so, i won't go into details. a part of my heart has remained in the church. that's where i grew, serving God through teaching and songleading. i really miss the times when my friends and i  stayed in the church until late at night. we still see each other though, and we never lost contact. but the fellowship we had, in the church, serving the Lord together- that's what i miss the most.

yesterday, my friend sent me a text message asking me if i'd like to attend in our former church. i gladly replied, "sige.see you tom." it's a reunion i've long been waiting (and praying) for! i was so excited- so excited that i woke up early. i don't wanna be late. i wanted to attend the praise and worship. i got up so very early-6:30 am....while the service is 10:30! so i slept again, then woke up 7:30. then slept again, then woke at 8:30. haha. i'm obviously excited!

i felt my mind awake though my body is asleep. i heard my mom going upstairs and into the room. she woke me up, around 9:30 and she didn't have difficulty waking me up! i didn't even asked for a sleep extension. :) i prepared, and was done before 10:30. my friends fetched me from home and together we went to church. i remembered telling them to go ahead of me, my presence is meant to be a surprise, hehehe. they were shy to enter in, so holding each other's hands we entered the church like a celebrity. nyahahaha!

(Sorry God. we were never listening to our Pastor's sermon. it's like we came there only to reunite. Sorry!!!)

the service came to an end after 2 hrs. the deacon invited us for lunch. i missed that too. eating together and talking and laughing. i was even scolded because of my boisterousness- reminding me of good eating manners and all that- i didn't get embarrased. i didn't even cared at all. then the deacon told me that they used to eat quietly since i left, so they were surprised of all the talking on the dinner table!

i snapped some pics of the special day, and here are some:















i just don't understand why i don't see my face on the pictures..... :)

we're planning another get together, hopefully next month.

God has been teaching me a lot of things lately and made me realize their importance. we're going through difficult times now but i believe God is moving. He's going to show His might and power over these struggles we're going through. i realized how sin damages the life of an individual, and how it causes trials in life. the very reason I can't blame God for our afflictions. it's unfair for a God who has our best interests at heart to be questioned and shouted at just because we're facing adversities... when in fact we're to blame. all God wanted was our happiness. He lets us choose which path we want to take. when we stumble because of wrong decisions, He's still there to lift us up and mend our pieces together.

i believe everything happens for a reason. He has planned something for us and it's His will that's happening in our lives. when we choose our paths or our decisions, His will is to allow us to take that certain path or make that certain decision. if we fail, He has a reason: to teach us to listen to Him, acknowledge His presence in our life and seek His help and to learn from the actions we made. He wanted me to depend on Him in everything. the truth is He never gets tired of listening to me...

i have faith that God is going to bless us abundantly- in every aspect of life- just as long as I trust in Him and seek Him first before everything.

when something happens in my life, it's not just about me. it's about God. it's about His marvelous plan for my life.

haven't updated my blog for a long time.. i'm groping for words to say actually. i've been preoccupied with so many things lately that i haven't thought of a topic to share. hehe. oh, and there will be a major improvement here- i mean with my site- anytime soon.

remember the time i was having dilemma? to work or not to work... i have resolved the issue now. and it's not to work! hahaha! while some people are so desperate searching for jobs, i on the other hand chose not to work. i have to attend to my kids and the business that's why.

what else? uhmm... since my eldest daughter was born, i became fond of spongebob squarepants. i've been collecting dvd's of spongebob episodes and they never fail to make me laugh! i even have a collection of soundtracks from the movie and tv episodes. i listen to it everyday and i love it!!! i think i'm beginning to look like him rofl!

it's the end of the summer season in the country and too bad i haven't enjoyed it. we can't afford an out-of-town trip, or swimming in a private resort. that was what i wanted to do last holy week but unfortunately didn't push through. well, alright. it happens.

i have been feeling sick these past few weeks or since january this year, but i don't bother to notice it. i just thought well maybe i'm just tired or i lack sleep. but when i shared to mama what i've been going through, she told me that maybe i'm developing diabetes. since then i started to be concerned about my health. i made a declaration to exercise and do jogging every morning. well, good luck to me. :) i even asked my hubby to buy me running shoes to motivate me. i'm still waiting for it.

i'm feeling sleepy. i can't continue this anymore. i'm running out of words to say.

until then!

i am a big fan of personality quizzes and tests. i'd love to know what lies beneath Happy- characteristics that haven't been unveiled yet. or my identity that i haven't known. perhaps to understand myself better and realize why i act like this, think like this. my values may have been influenced by external factors, but with tests like this the real me is defined..

i took up several free personality tests on the net and some results reveal myself accurately with a little blunder. but i noticed some consistencies in the test results- that i am a leader, i am more of an extrovert, creative, open to new experiences, achieving, curious and confident- which are true. i never actually realized my traits until i discovered them through those tests. i was unaware of them that it was just now that i finally realize who i really am.

i now understand that i can't be compared to you. i'm different. i'm special. i am a concoction of the good and bad and right and wrong. i'm a mixture of everything- rolled into one.

i consider myself a late bloomer when it comes to fashion. i'm growing up donning typical jeans and shirts and not so trendy and experimental. i have an odd taste of mix and match though i am artistic in other ways. i am likely to be one of those playing safe when it comes to clothes. let's just say i am uncomfortable catching attention because of the clothes i'm wearing. i'd rather be unnoticed than become the talk of the town.

but things have changed. i started digging fashion magazines and keep myself up to date with the latest trends. i am a budding fashionista and learning the in and outs of it, even the fashion lingo.LOL.

fashion is not limited to the upper class status quo, and can be easily adapted by those who can't afford. while some well-offs have a different sense of fashion because they can practically afford uber vogue designer clothes, shoes and all, us not-so-blessed-with-wealth have a different sense of fashion too- the ukay-ukay and tiangge fashion. hehe.

fashion has pushed my self esteem. when i dress good, i feel as beautiful as the other pretty girls in the world. there are people who thinks i'm ugly and all but when i look in the mirror and like what i'm seeing, i exude that aura of amour propre that for a moment i feel like "wow, i'm hot!" i don't care what other people might think of me. after all i'm not doing this for their approval or attention- i'm doing this for me, to give me a confidence boost. and it's effective actually. hehe. :)

fashion is not really following the trend. it's how you carry yourself and what you wear with confidence. it's bringing your creativity into work by mixing styles that go together and letting your ingenuity shine. fashion need not be expensive. it can be stylish yet practical.

Lumikha na naman ng kasaysayan sa boksing ang araw ng Sabado, ikalawa ng Mayo 2009 dahil sa pagkapanalo ni Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao laban sa Briton na si Ricky "The Hitman" Hatton. Ang labang binansagang The Battle of East vs. West ay tinutukan di lamang sa Pilipinas kundi ng buong mundo.

Tensyon ang bumalot sa ring bago nag umpisa ang laban at may kanya- kanyang pambato ang bawat isa, lalo na sa mga manunugal. Siguradong humihiyaw ang pustahan!

Masasabing kapwa magagaling at determinado ang dalawang boksingero at wala ni isa sa kanila ang nais magpadaig at naghahangad na maiuwi ang karangalan di lamang para sa kanilang mga sarili kundi para sa bayang kanilang kinakatawan.

Marami na ring mga nakuhang belts si Pacquiao sa kanyang mga naging huling laban. Dahil sa kanyang nakamit, siya ang unang Pilipino at Asyanong boksingero na makakuha ng limang world titles sa limang iba't ibang weight divisions. Siya rin ang IBO at Ring Magazine Light Welterweight champion at binansagan ng Ring Magazine na #1 pound-for-pound boxer in the world.

Samantalang si Hitman ay naging two-time IBF and IBO light welterweight champion. Siya rin ay naging WBA Welterweight Champion, WBU, WBA Light Welterweight Champion at WBC, WBA, WBO Inter-Continental Light Welterweight Champion, at Ring Magazine Junior Welterweight Champion.

Sa nakalipas na laban, napagtagumpayang masungkit ni Pacquiao ang kampyonato para sa Light Welterweight Division nang matalo nya si Hatton sa pamamagitan ng knockout: 2 beses sa unang round at 1 bago matapos ang ikalawang round. Maraming mga na dismaya dahil saglit lang ang laban, lugi para sa mga nanood sa pay-per-view at nagbayad ng mahigit 500 pesos mapanood lang ng live ang laban ni Pacquiao. Kahit nga si Pacquiao ay nagsabing napakadali ng laban nila ni Hatton na hindi man lang natapos ang ikalawang round ay napabagsak na ang kalaban. Kailangan pa ngang dalhin sa ospital si Hatton dahil nawala sya sa ulirat ng ilang minuto dahil sa lakas ng sapak ng Pambansang Kamao.

Kahit na sandali lang ang laban, sulit na rin dahil nasaksihan natin kung paanong maipanalo ng ating Pambansang Kamao ang laban at maitaas ang ating bansa. Sa ganitong mga pagkakataon, napakasarap maging Pilipino. Ang makilala ang bansa sa buong mundo at malaman nila na magagaling ang mga Pilipino. Pero sana hindi lang dito. Hindi lang sa basag-ulong sports tayo magaling. Kundi sa ating kabutihang-asal, ang ating mga kaugalian, katapatan at pagkamakabayan. Sana sa labang ito mabuksan ang ating diwa at hindi lang si Pacquiao ang gumawa ng kanyang papel bilang Pilipino- kundi ang bawat isa sa atin sa ating mga sariling paraan.

Mabuhay ang Lahing Pilipino!

my journey to work continued. yesterday, i went back to Commonwealth for my final interview. the traffic was heavy that i got late for my appointment. after 5 minutes i was called. i got inside the room, not so tensed at all. i felt confident, i had to exude confidence or else i'll stammer. i was asked to describe myself, my work experience and educational background. she briefly told me the results of my exams and interview. she told me that the scores i got were below minimum requirement for tech support applicants, so they offered me customer service instead. but they have to assign me in Commonwealth. i didn't agree. the place isn't accessible. by cab yes, but practically i don't want to be assigned there. it will take me 1 hr to get there by cab and 2 hrs by other means. since the place is a hundred miles away from home i can't say that i'll be amenable in shifting skeds and graveyard. imagine spending 400 pesos only for a cab? that's unreasonable. i asked to be endorsed in ortigas, where it's nearer from our place, but the HR told me that i will be assigned for outbound collections. no way man! my sister whines about it and she told me that that account is toxic! i saw her several times dragging herself to work and gave up. i turned down all their offers, their options, which left me with nothing.

i didn't felt bad. i wasn't disappointed at all. i just felt sad that i didn't meet the expectations of the people believing that i can do it. and i was thinking that my dreams were like a feet away, so close that i can almost grab it. but it vanished into thin air, leaving my dreams shattered and my heart broken. i understand perfectly what the HR said, to weigh my options and consider my priorities. i can be hired if i wanted to but the thing is, even if convergys is prestigious and all but i didn't like my work, then it can be grueling. it will seem like a battle everyday. i'm not really after prestige, fame and money- that's secondary. i'd prefer to have a job where i can express myself and i am not confined. a job which i really love doing, a job that i really enjoy. you can't be successful if you force yourself to something you don't like doing. it's like pushing yourself against a wall- it will only leave you drained but you don't get through.

that night before, i prayed and asked God for His will to be done. i know this is what He wants. i'm not sure exactly why He allowed this to happen- i guess He wanted to teach me and show me something. things happen for a reason, and all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. Romans 8:28. one of these days i'll understand why it turned out this way. but i have placed my complete trust on the Lord, and i believe that He is planning something great and special for my life. i just need to wait upon the Lord...trust in Him...and one day everything will turn out OK.