Enigma of the Heart

this morning at church they played this song "I Love to Love You". i wasn't familiar with the song but i got the melody quite quickly that i was able to sing along with the worship team. here it goes,

omg. it's like 2 weeks of hiatus for me, and i missed blogging! before i used to blog every single day and give account of what's happening to me. but life is just the same everyday, with a dash of spice to make it an adventure. writing the same old things everyday is boring so i just skip blogging. but I thank God for my simple everydays... given another chance to live is a reason to celebrate God's goodness and faithfulness- and to change, and improve.

3 days ago, my preschool classmate and high school mate asked me if i will join our high school reunion on december. i really don't know if i will come- i mean it's good to see old friends and classmates and high school crushes... but i don't think i am bold enough to face them. the fact that i am not a college graduate unlike them. but at least i have a business, right? i do not envy them that they're like in an executive position in their respective careers because they've been working for 6 years already. or like i haven't achieved anything that i would consider a fulfillment. on the other side, i am fulfilled having a family, and a business too. perhaps i haven't trashed my inferiority complex just yet. it's still here, just like the way i felt when i was in high school. but i won't let this feeling linger inside of me. i won't let this consume me and make me feel embarrassed or ashamed. i know that in some ways, i am a lot better than they are- in my own right i mean. :)

Christmas is really coming so fast, and the sooner it comes the more i miss my husband. there are a lot of times when i see myself cry over a Christmas commercial, showing couples hugging and kissing and there's Christmas song in the background. it's not that i don't want Christmas to arrive, it's my most favorite time of the year, it's just that i'm missing a piece that i would really wanted to have this holiday season. if it were not for money problems, he would have filed his vacation leave this Christmas and he might have been coming home soon. God give me the strength. i know i will cry a lot.

i have been busy with facebook, playing different applications every 5 minutes. since my sister is at work, i have my time for facebook and play all those games i have bookmarked.

i just started my diet today. from 110 lbs last week i have lost 6 lbs and now i weighed 104. i was just starting to accept that my weight was like when i was pregnant but i couldn't take the fact that from size small or XS i am now a medium!!!! grrr!!!! and so i  have decided to do a strict diet from now on. my goal is to lose 5-10lbs more in 1-2 wks. so that would be 94-95lbs in 2 weeks. and maintain from thereon. for me, it's better to be skinny than to be fat. of course i will eat! only in moderation.

this past week there were always tension between edward and i especially when the issue is about MONEY. because of that, i've been contemplating on a lot of things everyday and i'm doing it simultaneously with facebook hahaha. kidding aside, i've been thinking of a lot of things lately but i cannot share it now. i feel like i am not ready to divulge it yet. i just want to keep it to myself for now. or perhaps i am not in the writing mood because i am feeling weak ( diet, you know) and sleepy at the same time. when i got time, i will write about it tomorrow.

God bless us all!

yesterday, October 16, we celebrated Rizia's advanced birthday, and belated birthday for Shareign. what?
advanced birthday celebration because it's supposed to be on the 22nd. but since we've got money now, we decided to celebrate it before the money is gone. belated birthday celebration for Shareign because her birthday was last April 16 and there wasn't any party. so i just did a double birthday bash for the kids- one celebration, less costly :)

after lunch i set-up the room, inflated the balloons and put up the banner. my sister and i went to the mall to buy cake, pansit, chicken and pizza. we also bought them presents- a pack of dino's and horses, a box of puzzle pieces and a tea set.

i've always dreamed of winning the lottery. who wouldn't wanna win? i don't really envy people who win lotsa money from the lottery but it would always hit me, like, there must have been a lot of good luck and good fortune that their ticket won. we don't patronize lottery or any forms of gambling. we depend on God for blessings and provisions and not from that- even if you have the purest of intentions. the end does not justify the means. and know what? i never really tried betting and/or joining the lottery.

but what if, just what if, i won a hundred million pesos? wow. i will be surprised and shocked and sweaty and shaking and nervous and happy- all at the same time. what would i do with it? i should start making a list of what-to-do's in case that would happen :)

1. i'd buy a house and lot. i've seen this cool house in Antipolo from a website and it costs P4.8M. not bad if you've got a lot of money.
2. i'd buy a car. no, an SUV perhaps, good for family trips. brand? i don't know, i'm not really a car lover. it has to be safe, and spacious. not really big. just enough for 7.
3. i'd donate to charities and give my offering to the church. 10% of how much i've got. i don't care if it's P10M. after all, if God didn't let me win, i wouldn't experience that P100M.
4. i'd franchise a fastfood, specifically, Jollibee. very lucrative. after 6-12 months, you will see your ROI. and after another 6 months, doubled ROI. cool.
5. i'd treat the family to Hongkong Disneyland and we will travel to places we dreamed of going- Palawan, Boracay, and anywhere!
6. i'd continue my college education, as well as my sister's. of course, i will enroll my children in the best school.
7. i'd expand our internet shop business. this is our very first investment so i don't want to give this up.
8. if it's the will of God, i will ask my Edward to resign from his work abroad and just stay here with us, help me manage our businesses.
9. i'd build a resort, salon/spa and.... what else are my dream businesses? i forgot. i'd remember them eventually...
10. SAVE SOME!!!
11. i'd share my blessings to my close friends and relatives. i'm not close-fisted as long as i have something to share :)

wow. how i wish for this to come true... as God said in His word, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE :)

later, we will be celebrating my daughter's bday. if there will be no change in plans then it will be later, in the afternoon.yehey!!!

need i say more? i am more of disappointed too. discussing the issue won't do me any good. i don't know, i'm not in a writing hype to compose. i'm stressed. got to rest. and yeah, i am upset. very very upset. >.<

last night, around 9:30 pm we experienced black out. we were wondering why that happened, when there is no typhoon, no rains nor winds. it lasted for 3 hours. as soon as the lights got up i turned on the TV for the news about the black out but i tuned in late. so in the news this morning, reporters said it was a transformer which caught fire, or exploded or got broken or something. and due to that, blackouts will be by turns- quezon city, marikina, pasig and rizal. and that outtage will last for 6 hours. we're included in the black out (coz we live in rizal) and this morning, blackout started 11:30 am until 2:30. we had electricity for only 3 hours and it striked again. from 5:30pm until 8:00pm. i am afraid that the black out will be up again, we're nearing the 3 hour mark and it will be blackout time again. hopefully that transformer will be fixed soon so we wo'nt be having power outage. i think the electric company wants our appliances to be broken. imagine what they are doing?  it's like earth hour every 3 hours. grrr. >.<

it's 78 days before Christmas. i remembered that when i watched SiS.