I took the very first step out of the mud I was wallowing in. I've been there for so long, I enjoyed it and the environment became quite comfortable. I didn't want to leave the place, it had been my comfort zone. I was aware that I'm unkempt and I was happy to be that way; even if other people stare, I don't give a damn.
Time came that I got sick of being dirty, I got disgusted of where I was. But leaving my comfort zone would be dreadful. How could I leave, when I've been used to being filthy? How could I move out, when I've found my peace and happiness there?
However, I know I shouldn't be there.
As soon as he didn't come back, I knew he left- and I was left alone enjoying the scum. That's when I realized that I shouldn't have been there. I know it's going to be difficult leaving the place where you've been comfortable with all this time- but if you have found that that place has been hurting you, making you sick and tired and making you unhappy, then you have nothing else to do but leave.
That is how I describe the relationship I once had.
But now, it's time to move on. I got out of the slime, slowly standing up and walking towards dry land. I look back, I can hear it calling- but I have already made up my mind. And as I make my way on dry ground, it actually felt good. There's no reason for me to be left behind. I continued walking past the dry ground towards the river... Now I'm torn from going back to getting myself clean. My heart wants me to go back, and wait. He might come back, and I would like to give him a second chance, or a third chance. But I wanted to restore my dignity, and my mind says I should head on out to the river and dive in.
For the first time after a year, I didn't follow my heart. Out of pride that I did this I guess. He can't see me problematic and suffering. I don't want him to see me bothered at all by his leaving. I am better. I am all good (even if I'm really dying inside).
I haven't entirely immersed myself in the water because I'm still thinking of going back. But, NO!(now you understood how hard this is for me) I can't go back, I don't want to go back. My feet were washed by the running stream, I am slowly moving on. The memories were slowly being washed away, though there were some mud stains which remained on my skin- memories that were hard to forget.
I'm getting cleaner and feeling better. Soon, I will have my whole body submerged in the water, completely washing away every pain and hurt, and getting all better. Someday soon... very, very, very soon.
Time came that I got sick of being dirty, I got disgusted of where I was. But leaving my comfort zone would be dreadful. How could I leave, when I've been used to being filthy? How could I move out, when I've found my peace and happiness there?
However, I know I shouldn't be there.
As soon as he didn't come back, I knew he left- and I was left alone enjoying the scum. That's when I realized that I shouldn't have been there. I know it's going to be difficult leaving the place where you've been comfortable with all this time- but if you have found that that place has been hurting you, making you sick and tired and making you unhappy, then you have nothing else to do but leave.
That is how I describe the relationship I once had.
But now, it's time to move on. I got out of the slime, slowly standing up and walking towards dry land. I look back, I can hear it calling- but I have already made up my mind. And as I make my way on dry ground, it actually felt good. There's no reason for me to be left behind. I continued walking past the dry ground towards the river... Now I'm torn from going back to getting myself clean. My heart wants me to go back, and wait. He might come back, and I would like to give him a second chance, or a third chance. But I wanted to restore my dignity, and my mind says I should head on out to the river and dive in.
For the first time after a year, I didn't follow my heart. Out of pride that I did this I guess. He can't see me problematic and suffering. I don't want him to see me bothered at all by his leaving. I am better. I am all good (even if I'm really dying inside).
I haven't entirely immersed myself in the water because I'm still thinking of going back. But, NO!(now you understood how hard this is for me) I can't go back, I don't want to go back. My feet were washed by the running stream, I am slowly moving on. The memories were slowly being washed away, though there were some mud stains which remained on my skin- memories that were hard to forget.
I'm getting cleaner and feeling better. Soon, I will have my whole body submerged in the water, completely washing away every pain and hurt, and getting all better. Someday soon... very, very, very soon.
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