I rarely clean my room. As in rarely. I'm used to the filth and dust over the tables where I work on and on every other appliance and knickknacks in the room. I don't mind at all. I am at peace with it, besides I don't have allergies so it's fine.
Yet today, I have decided to clean. I dusted the trinkets, swept the crumpled papers off the floor, changed the bedding and just cleaned the room. This activity means something to me. I've been going through heartbreak and it has been very difficult for me to move on. But I have to get a life and not waste my time crying over him. I know I have posted on my previous blogs that I made the first step to moving on. But I tend to look back and change my mind. I guess these are all just a part of the process and it's not going to happen in a snap. Even wounds take time to heal, and so is a broken heart. I just need to let time heal my heart and very soon I will be better.
But I've got to help myself too. If I would just be sitting in my room crying all day, would I get any better? If I constantly remind myself of him and all the fun we used to have, would that help at all? I would just drown myself in his memories and cry all the more. I will miss him more and there's nothing I could do about it. It will just create a deeper pain which will make the healing longer.
So as I cleaned my room, it's like I'm dusting away my memories of him, sweeping my sadness, cleaning my heart from his thoughts to make room for a better one. I used to hold back from meeting guys, going on dates, and having guy text mates because I was still thinking of him; that he might get angry if he learns what I'm doing. But shouldn't I deserve happiness too? I can't let him bind me with his thoughts forever.
Prayer has been very helpful too. I get strength from God whenever I need it and He's making me feel I'm not going through this alone. I get perpetual encouragement and hugs from Him. ♥
This will come to pass soon. And after all's been said and done, I know that he will come back but I know better.
Yet today, I have decided to clean. I dusted the trinkets, swept the crumpled papers off the floor, changed the bedding and just cleaned the room. This activity means something to me. I've been going through heartbreak and it has been very difficult for me to move on. But I have to get a life and not waste my time crying over him. I know I have posted on my previous blogs that I made the first step to moving on. But I tend to look back and change my mind. I guess these are all just a part of the process and it's not going to happen in a snap. Even wounds take time to heal, and so is a broken heart. I just need to let time heal my heart and very soon I will be better.
But I've got to help myself too. If I would just be sitting in my room crying all day, would I get any better? If I constantly remind myself of him and all the fun we used to have, would that help at all? I would just drown myself in his memories and cry all the more. I will miss him more and there's nothing I could do about it. It will just create a deeper pain which will make the healing longer.
So as I cleaned my room, it's like I'm dusting away my memories of him, sweeping my sadness, cleaning my heart from his thoughts to make room for a better one. I used to hold back from meeting guys, going on dates, and having guy text mates because I was still thinking of him; that he might get angry if he learns what I'm doing. But shouldn't I deserve happiness too? I can't let him bind me with his thoughts forever.
Prayer has been very helpful too. I get strength from God whenever I need it and He's making me feel I'm not going through this alone. I get perpetual encouragement and hugs from Him. ♥
This will come to pass soon. And after all's been said and done, I know that he will come back but I know better.
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